Do you know what makes your ideal customer tick?

Do you know what makes your ideal customer tick?

Hey you,

It’s #2.

Today I wanted to let you in on completely different way to view the way your “Ideal Customer” makes every single decision.

Once you know this, take it inside and own it, you’ll never prospect or serve your clients the same way again.  Ever.

You’re about to get a super advanced revelation wrapped inside everyday language.  Even if you’re a psychologist, therapist or NLP Certified practitioner, I’m confident you’ll appreciate this on some level.

After I rose today at around 10:30 A.M, I went to start my morning routine of Neti Potting my face (for those who don’t know what a Neti Pot is, it’s a mini teapot looking thing you use to cleanse your nostrils by pouring water into one of your  nose honkers and letting the water run out the other side.  Think of it as going to pool at your sink) and while doing so, I was listening to some nourishing brain food.

And it hit me.  I needed to tell you about what I was hearing so you’d never make the mistake of being disconnected from what drives your “Ideal Customers”… you know, the people that’ve made it possible for you to become accustomed to the standards of living you have now and can bust open any gorgeous future vision of where you’d like to be someday.

In memory of my lead footed mom who used to tell my brother while driving, when he was a baby, “Hold on to your Pampers, Sean”, I tell you, “Hold on to your skibbies” because here we go…

Domestication & The Dream of the Planet

What your ideal customers are seeing and hearing right now is nothing but a dream.

They’re dreaming right now in this moment.  They’re dreaming with a brain even while awake.  Dreaming is the main function of the mind.  And the mind dreams 24 hours a day.

It dreams when the brain is awake and it also dreams when the brain is asleep.  The difference is that when the brain is awake there is a material frame that makes us perceive things in a linear way.

When your ideal customers go to sleep, they do not have the frame.  And the dream has the tendency to change constantly. Humans are dreaming all the time.

Before your ideal customers were born the humans before them created a big outside dream

We’ll call this “Society’s Dream” or the “Dream of the Planet”.

The “Dream of the Planet” is the collective dream of billions of smaller personal dreams.  Which together create a dream of a family, a dream of a community a dream of a city, a dream of a country and finally, a dream of the whole humanity.

The “Dream of the Planet” includes all of society’s rules, it’s beliefs, it’s laws, it’s religion, it’s different cultures and ways to be, it’s governments, schools, social events and holidays.

Your ideal customers are born with a capacity to learn how to dream.  And the humans who lived before them teach them how to dream the way society dreams.

The outside dream has so many rules that when a new human is born, we hook the child’s attention and introduce these rules into his or her mind.  The outside dream uses mom and dad, the schools and religion to teach us how to dream.

Attention is the ability we have to discriminate and to focus only on that which we want to perceive.  We can perceive millions of things simultaneously but using our attention, we can hold whatever we want to perceive within the foreground of our mind.

We’re Basically Brainwashed

The adult’s around your ideal customer hooked their attention and put information into our minds through repetition.   That is the way we learned everything we know.  By using our attention we learned a whole reality… a whole dream.

They learned how to behave in society.  What to believe and what not to believe.  What is acceptable and what isn’t acceptable.  What is good and what is bad.  What is beautiful and what is ugly.  What is right and what is wrong.

It was all there already.  All that knowledge, all those rules and concepts about how to behave in the world.

When your ideal customers were in school, they sat in their little chair and put their attention on what the teacher was teaching them.  When they went to church they put their attention on to what the priest or minister was telling them.

It’s the same dynamic with mom and dad, brother and sisters because they were all trying to hook their attention.  They also learned to hook the attention of other humans.  And they develop the need for attention which can become very competitive.

Children compete for the attention of their parents, their teachers, their friends.  “Look at me, look what I’m doing.  Hey, I’m here.”

Here's a prime example of niece looking for attention

Here's a prime example of niece looking for attention

The need for attention becomes very strong.  And continues into adulthood.  The outside dream hooks our attention and teaches us what to believe beginning with the language that we speak.

Language is the code for understanding communication between humans.  Every letter, every word, in each language is an agreement.  Once we understand the code, our attention is hooked and the energy is transferred from one person to another.

It was not your ideal customers choice to speak English.  They didn’t choose their religion or their moral values.  They were already there before they were born.

They never had the opportunity to choose what to believe or not to believe.  They never chose even the smallest of these agreements. They didn’t even choose their own name.

Our Mental Software, Our Most Valuable Asset, is Pre-Selected For Us

As children they didn’t have the opportunity to choose their own beliefs but they agreed with the information that was passed to them from the dream of the planet via other humans.  The only way to store information is by agreement.

The outside dream may hook their attention but if they don’t agree with it, they don’t store that information.  As soon as they agree, they believe it and this is called faith.  To have faith is to believe unconditionally.

That’s how your ideal customers learn as children.  Children believe everything adults say.  They agree with them and their faith is so strong that the belief system controls their whole dream of life.

They didn’t choose these beliefs and they may have rebelled against them but they were not strong enough to win the rebellion.  The result is surrender to the beliefs.  The power of agreement.

Your Ideal Customers Are Trained Just Like Dogs

I call this process the domestication of humans. And through this domestication your ideal customers learn how to live and how to dream.

In human domestication the information from the outside dream is conveyed to the inside dream creating their whole belief system.

First the child is taught the names of things, mom, dad, milk, bottle.  Day by day at home, school, church and from television we are told how to live, what kind of behavior is acceptable.

The outside dream teaches us how to be a human.  We have a whole concept of what a woman is and what a man is and we also learn to judge.  We judge ourselves, we judge other people, we judge the neighbors.

Children are domesticated the same way we domesticate a dog, a cat or any other animal.  In order to teach a dog we punish the dog.  And we give it rewards.

We train our children whom we love so much, the same way we train any other domesticated animal, with the same system of punishment and reward.  We’re told “You’re a good boy” or “You’re a good girl” when they do what mom & dad want us to do.

When they don’t, they are a “Bad Girl” or a “Bad Boy.

Your Ideal Customers Are Ruled With An Iron Mental Fist

When they went against the rules, they were punished.  When they went along with the rules they got a reward.  They were punished many times a day and they were also rewarded many times a day.

Soon they became afraid of being punished and also afraid of not receiving the reward.  The reward is the attention we got from our parents or from other people like siblings, teachers and friends.

Your ideal customer soon develop a need to hook other peoples attention in order to get the reward.

Why Are Your Ideal Customers Professional Actors?

The reward feels good and they keep doing what others want them to do in order to get the reward.  With that fear of being punished and that fear of not getting the reward they start pretending to be something they are not.  Just to please others.  Just to be good enough for someone else.

They try to please mom & dad.  They try to please the teachers at school.  They try to please the church and so they start acting.  They pretend to be what they are not because they afraid of being rejected.

The fear of being rejected becomes the fear of not being good enough.

Eventually they become someone they are not.  They become a copy of momma’s beliefs, daddy’s beliefs, society’s beliefs, and religions beliefs.

They Get Their Spirit Crushed Under The Jack Boot of Ignorance

All their normal tendencies are lost in the process of domestication.  And when they’re old enough for their mind to understand, they learn the word no.

The adults say “Don’t do this” and “Don’t do that”.  Your ideal customers rebel and say no because they are defending their freedom.  They want to be themselves but they are very little and the adults are big and strong.

After a certain time they’re afraid because they know that every time they do something wrong, they’re going to be punished.

The domestication is so strong that at a certain point in our life your ideal customer no longer needs anyone to domesticate them.  They don’t need mom or dad, the school or the church to domesticate them.

They’re so well trained that they are their own domesticator.  They are an auto-domesticated animal. They can now domesticate themselves according to the same belief system they were given and using the same system of punishment and reward.

Your ideal prospects punish themselves when they don’t follow the rules according to their belief system.  They reward themselves when they are a “Good Boy” or the “Good Girl”.

Play By Our Rules And No One Gets Hurt (Yeah, Right)

Just as the government has a book of laws that rule the society’s dream, our belief system is the book of laws that rules their mind.

Without question, whatever is in that book of law is their truth.  They base all of their judgments according to the book of law.  Even if these judgments go against their own inner nature.

Even moral laws like the ten commandments are programmed into your ideal customers mind in the process of domestication.

One by one all of these agreements go into the book of law and these agreements rule their personal dreams.

There’s something in their mind that judges everybody and everything.  Including the weather, the dog, the cat, everything.  The inner judge uses what is in their book of law to judge everything they do and don’t do.  Everything they think and don’t think.  And everything they feel and don’t feel.

Everything lives under the tyranny of this judge.

Every time your ideal customer does something that goes against  the book of law, the judge says they are guilty.  They need to be punished.  They should be ashamed.

This happens many times a day.  Day after day.  For all the years of their lives.

Why Telling People Their Problems Aren’t Their Fault Works So Well

There’s another part of them that receives the judgments and this part is called the victim.

The victim carries the blame, the guilt, and the shame.

It’s the part of your ideal customer that says “Poor Me, I’m not good enough.  I’m not intelligent enough.  I’m not attractive enough.  I’m not worthy enough.  Poor Me.”  The big judge agrees and says “Yes, you’re not good enough.”

And this is all based on a belief system that your ideal customer never chose to believe.

These beliefs are so strong that even years later when they’re exposed to new concepts and try to make their own decisions, they find that these beliefs still control their lives.

Your Ideal Customers Gut Feelings Exposed

Whatever goes against the book of law will make them feel a funny sensation in their gut and it’s called fear.

Breaking the rules in the book of law opens your ideal customer’s emotional wounds and their reaction is to create an emotional poison because even if the book of law is wrong, it makes them feel safe.

Anything that challenges what they believe is going to make them feel unsafe.

That is why they need a great deal of courage to challenge their own beliefs because even if they knew they didn’t choose all these beliefs it’s also true that we agreed to all of them.

The agreement is so strong that even if we understand the concept of it not being true, they feel the blame, the guilt, and the shame as it occurs as we go against these rules.

All these rules exist in your ideal customers mind, they believe them.  And the judge inside them bases everything on these rules.  The judge decrees and victim suffers the guilt and punishment.

We’re The Only Ones…

But who says there is justice in this dream.  True justice is paying only once for each mistake.  True injustice is paying more than once for each mistake.  How many times does your ideal customer pay for one mistake?

The answer is thousands of times.  The human is the only animal on earth that pays a thousand times for the same mistake.  The rest of the animals pay once for every mistake they make.  Not us.  Your ideal customer has a powerful memory.  They make a mistake and they judge themselves, they find themselves guilty and they punish themselves.

If justice exists, and that was enough, they don’t need to do it again.  But every time they remember, they judge themselves again.  They are guilty again.  And they punish themselves again and again and again.

If your ideal customer has a wife or a husband he or she also reminds them of their mistakes so they can judge themselves again.  Punish themselves again.  And find themselves guilty again.  Is this fair?

How many times do your ideal customers make their spouse, their children or their parents pay for the same mistake?

Every time they remember the mistake, they blame them again and send them all the emotional poison that we feel at the injustice.  And we make them pay again for the same mistake.  Is that justice?

The judge in the mind is wrong.  Because the belief system, the book of law is wrong.

What If Almost Everything Your Ideal Customers Knew Was Bullshit?

The whole dream is based on false law.  95% of the beliefs your ideal customer has stored in their mind are nothing but lies. And they suffer because they believe all these lies.

In the dream of the planet, it is normal for humans to suffer, to live in fear and to create emotional dramas.   The outside dream is not a pleasant dream.  It is a dream of violence.  A dream of fear.  A dream of war.  A dream of injustice.

The Personal Dream of Humans Will Vary…

But Globally, it’s Mostly a Nightmare

If we look at human society we see a place so difficult to live in because it is ruled by fear.

Throughout the world we see humans suffering.  Anger, revenge, addictions, violence in the streets and tremendous injustice.  It may exist at different levels, in different countries around the world but fear is controlling the outside dream.

If we compare the dream of human society with a description of Hell that religions

all around the world have fabricated, we find they are EXACTLY the same

Religions say that Hell is a place of punishment, a place of fear, pain, suffering.  A place where the fire burns you.  Fire is generated by emotions that come when you fear.  Whenever your ideal customers feel anger, jealously, envy or hate they experience a fire burning within them.

They are living in a dream of Hell.

If you consider Hell as a state of mind, then Hell is all around us.  Others may warn your ideal customer that if they don’t do what they say they should do, they will go to Hell.

Bad News.  We’re Already In Hell.

Even the people who tell them that.  No human can condemn another to Hell because we’re already there.  Others can put us into a deeper Hell, true.  But only if we allow this to happen.

Every human has his or her own personal dream.  And just like the society dream, it is often ruled by fear.  Your ideal customer learns to dream Hell in their own life in their personal dream.  And the same fears manifest in different ways for each person of course, but they experience anger, jealously, hate, envy and other negative emotions.

Their personal dream can also become an ongoing nightmare where they suffer and live in a state of fear.

But your ideal prospect doesn’t need to dream a nightmare.

It is possible to enjoy a pleasant dream

All of humanity is searching for truth, justice, and beauty.  We are on an eternal search for the truth because we only believe in the lies we have stored in our minds.  We’re searching for justice because in the belief system we have, there is no justice.

Your ideal prospects search for beauty because it doesn’t matter how beautiful a person is, they don’t believe that person has beauty.  They keep searching and searching when everything is already within them.  There is no truth to find.

Wherever they turn their heads all they see is the truth.  But with the agreements and beliefs they have stored in their mind, they have no eyes for this truth.  They don’t see the truth because they are blind.

What blinds your ideal prospects are all the false beliefs they have in their mind.  They have the need to be right and to make others wrong.  They trust what they believe and their beliefs set them up for suffering.

It is if they live in the middle of a fog that doesn’t let them see any further than their own nose.  This fog is their personal dream of life.  Everything they believe about themselves and the world, all the concepts they have about what they are, all the agreements they’ve made with others, with themselves and even with god.

The Toltecs called this fog a Metote.  A Metote can be compared to a huge marketplace where thousands of people are talking at the same time and nobody understands each other.  This is the condition of the human mind.  A big Metote.  And with that big Metote, your ideal customer can’t see who they really are.

In India they call the Metote, Mya, which means illusion.  It’s the personality’s notion of “I am”.  And your ideal customer cannot see who they truly are.  They cannot see they are not free.  That is why humans resist life.

To Be Alive is the Biggest Fear Humans Have

Death is not the biggest fear we have.  Our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive and to express what we really are. Just being themselves is the biggest fear of humans.

Your ideal customer has lived their lives trying to satisfy other peoples demands.  They’ve learned to live by other people’s point of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough to someone else.

During the process of domestication they form an image of what perfection is in order to try to become good enough, in order to be accepted by everybody.  They especially try to please the ones who love them like mom & dad, big brothers & sisters, priests & teachers.

Trying to be good enough for them, they create an image of perfection but they don’t fit this image.

They create the image but the image is not real.  They are never going to be perfect in this point of view.  Never.  Not being perfect, your ideal prospects reject themselves and the level of self-rejection depends on how effective the adults were in breaking their integrity.

After domestication, it is no longer about being good enough for anybody else.

Your ideal customers feel they aren’t good enough for themselves.

Because they don’t fit with their own image of perfection.  Your ideal prospects cannot forgive themselves for not being what they wish to be.  Or rather, what they believe they should be.

They cannot forgive themselves for not being perfect.

They know they’re not what they’re supposed to be and so they feel false, frustrated, and dishonest.  They try to hide themselves and pretend to be what they are not.

The result is that they feel un-authentic and wear social masks to keep others from noticing this.  They’re so afraid someone else will notice they are not what they pretend to be that they judge others according to perfection as well.

And naturally they fall short of their expectations.

Your ideal customers dishonor themselves just to please other people.

They even do harm to their physical bodies just to be accepted by others.  You see teenagers taking drugs just to avoid being rejected by other teenagers.  They are not aware that they must accept themselves before anyone else will.

They reject themselves because they are not what they pretend to be.

They wish to be a certain way but they are not.  And for this, they carry shame and guilt.  Humans punish themselves endlessly for not being what they believe they should be.  They become very self abusive and they use other people to abuse themselves as well.

No One Abuses Your Ideal Customers As Much As They Abuse Themselves

And it’s the judge the victim and the belief system that make them do this.  True, we find people who say their husband or wife or mother or father abused them.  But you know we abuse ourselves much more than that.

The way they judge themselves is the worst judge that ever existed. If they make a mistake in front of people, they try to deny the mistake and cover it up.  But as soon as they’re alone, the judge becomes so strong, the guilt is so strong and they feel stupid or bad or unworthy.

In their whole life, nobody has abused your Ideal Customer more than they have abused themselves.  And the limit of their self abuse is exactly the limit they will tolerate from someone else.

If someone abuses them a little more than they abuse themselves, they’ll walk away from that person.  But if someone abuses them a little less than they abuse themselves, they’ll probably stay in the relationship and tolerate it endlessly.

If your ideal customer abuses themselves very badly, they can even tolerate someone who

beats them up, humiliates them and treats them like dirt.  Why?

Because in their belief system they say, “I deserve it.  This person is doing me a favor by being with me.  I’m not worthy of love and respect.  I’m not good enough.”

They have the need to be accepted and be loved by others but they cannot accept and love themselves.  The more self-love they have, the less they’ll experience self abuse.

Self abuse comes from self rejection.  And self rejection comes from what it means to be perfect and never measuring up to that ideal.  Their image of perfection is the reason they reject themselves.  It’s why they don’t accept themselves they way they are and why they don’t accept others the way they are.

There are thousands of agreements your ideal customer has made with themselves and with other people, with their dream of life, with god, with society, with their parents, with their spouse, with their children.

But the most important agreements are the ones they made with themselves.

And in these agreements, they tell themselves who they are, what they feel, what they believe, and how to behave.

The result is what you call their personality.  In these agreements they say “This is what I am, This is what I believe.  I can do certain things and some things I cannot do.  This is reality and that is fantasy.  This is possible, that is impossible.”

One single agreement is not so much of a problem, but your ideal customers have many agreements that make them suffer, that make them fail in life.

If they want to live a life of fulfillment and joy they have to find the courage to break those agreements that are fear based and claim your personal power.  The agreements that come from fear require them to expend a lot of energy.

But the agreements that come from love, help them to conserve energy and even gain extra energy.

Each of your ideal customers is born with a certain amount of personal power that they re-build every day after they rest.  Unfortunately they spend all their personal power, first to create all these agreements and then to keep all of them.

Their personal power is dissipated by all the agreements they have created and the result is that they feel powerless.  They have just enough power to survive each day because most of it is used to keep the agreements that trap us in the dream of the planet.

How Can Your Ideal Customer Change The Entire Dream of Their Life When They Have No Power

To Even Change The Smallest Agreement?

If they can see that agreements rule all of their life and they don’t like the dream of their life, we can help them change it.


I’ve culled this entire passage from one of my favorite books I’ve come across in a very long time, called “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz.

If what you’ve read has been to your liking I’m sure you’ll love the rest of the book.  I can’t recommend it highly enough.

For me, this was more valuable than looking at Maslow’s hierarchy of needs or John Caples list of desires people have.

Obviously, in this passage I exchange the word “you” for your “ideal customer” so you’d see how once you step out of your own world and think about what people you’re attempting to influence are going through on a day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute basis… you can shut down any of your amateur “hey look at me” marketing, step into the big leagues and start talking to what really matters in your ideal customer’s life…

…their feelings about what you can potentially do for them.

Talk to you again soon,

Note Taking Nerd #2

P.S.  Remember… I’ve decided to commit to spending at least One Hour of my time responding to any thoughtful question or comments made about posts I’ve written.  I’m not perfect yet and after spending hours writing this I’ve had to leave some stuff out.  So feel free to point out anything I wasn’t crystal clear on.  What you say might exhaust the whole hour (if you’ve seen my responses in previous posts you’ll see I don’t wimp out here).  And, if  it’s of the ” ‘Great’ or ‘Shitty’ post” type, it may not warrant any further elaboration but yet will be oh so appreciated.   I’m here for you and I’d love to hear your voice.  Just let me know what you have a question about in today’s topic.  The doors open so go on ahead and deepen our relationship today by coming on in and talking to me.

P.P.S. Business is nothing but psychology & math.  Knowing this, Dan Kennedy makes sure he uses 31 specific tactics pertaining to the nuturing of the mental state of his ideal customer every time any word comes out of his mouth in a speech or onto a keyboard. He credits this 31 point checklist as the reason why people are on a waiting list to give him $15,000.00 a year to be in his coaching group.  CLICK HERE and you’ll find the secret to his success.

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