I just heard a story not too long ago and I’ve been dying to tell it to you. Here it goes. It’s all about…
The Man Who Didn’t Believe In Love
There’s a very old story about a man who didn’t believe in love.
This was an ordinary man just like you and me. But what made this man special was his way of thinking. He thought, ‘Love doesn’t exist.’
Of course he had a lot of experience trying to find love and he had observed the people around him. This man was highly intelligent and very convincing. He said that love is not real and that’s why no human being could ever find love. Even though he might look for it.
“Love,” he said, “is just like a drug. It makes you very high but it creates a strong need. You can become addicted to love. But what happens when you don’t receive your daily doses of love? Just like a drug, you need your everyday fix.”
He used to say that most relationships between lovers are just like a relationship between a drug addict and the dope dealer. The one who has the biggest need is the drug addict. The one who has the little need is like the dealer and this is one who controls the whole relationship.
You can see this dynamic so clearly because usually in every relationship there is one who loves the most and the other who doesn’t love. Who only takes advantage of the one who gives his or her heart.
The drug addict, the one who has the biggest need lives in constant fear that perhaps he will not be able to get the next hit of love. The drug addict thinks, “What am I going to do if she leaves me?”
That fear makes the addict very possessive. “That’s mine.” The addict becomes jealous and demanding because of the fear of not getting the next dosage.
He completely surrenders and moves to whatever he can to do to avoid being abandoned. The provider can control and manipulate the one who needs the drug by giving more doses or fewer doses. Or, no doses at all.
The man went on explaining why love doesn’t exist. “What humans call love is nothing is a fear relationship based on control. Where’s the respect? Where’s the love they claim to have?
Young couples make a lot of promises to each other, to live together forever, to love and respect each other, to be there for each other through the good times and the bad. They promise to love and honor each other and make promises and more promises.
What is amazing is that they really believe these promises. But after the marriage, a week later, a month later, or a few months later, you can see that none of these promises are kept.
What you find is a war of control to see who can manipulate whom. Who will be the provider and who will have the addiction. You find that a few months later the respect they had for each other is gone.
You can see the resentment, the emotional poison, how they hurt each other little by little until they don’t know when the love stopped. They stay together because they afraid to be alone. Afraid of the opinions and judgments of others and also afraid of their own judgments and opinions. But where is the love?”
The man used to claim that he saw old couples who were so proud to have lived together 30-40-50 years or more. But when they talked about their relationship, they said, “We survived the matrimony.”
That means one of them surrendered to the other at a certain time he or she gave up and decided to endure the suffering. The one with the strongest will and less need won the war. But where is that flame they called love?
The man went on and on about all the reasons why he believed love doesn’t exist. His arguments were quite logical and he convinced many people.
Then one day he was walking in a park and there on a bench sat a beautiful lady who was crying. Feeling curious he decided to ask why she was crying. You could imagine his surprise when she told him she was crying because love doesn’t exist.
Of course, he wanted to know more about her.
“Why do you say love doesn’t exist?” he asked.
“Well, it’s a long story,” she replied. “I married when I was very young. Full of hope that I would share my life with this man. We swore to each other our loyalty, respect, and honor. So we created a family.
But soon everything changed.
I was the devoted wife who took care of the children at home. My husband continued to develop his career and his success outside of home was more important to him than our family. He lost respect for me and I lost respect for him.
We hurt each other.
And, at a certain point I discovered that I didn’t love him and he didn’t love me either. But the children needed a father and that was my excuse to stay and do whatever I could to support him.
Now the children are grown and I now have no excuse to stay with him. There’s no respect, there’s no kindness. I know that even if I find someone else, he’s going to be the same because love doesn’t exist. That’s why I’m crying.”
Understanding her very well, he embraced her and said, “You were right, love doesn’t exist. We look for love, we open our heart and become vulnerable just to find selfishness. It doesn’t matter how many relationships we have, the same thing happens again and again.
Why search for love any longer?
They were so much alike and they became best friends.
It was a wonderful relationship. They respected each other and with every step they took together they were happy. There was no envy or jealousy. There was no control, there was no possessiveness.
They loved to be together because they always had a lot of fun. When they were not together they missed each other.
One day when the man was out of town he had the weirdest idea. He was thinking…
“Hhhmm, maybe what I feel for her is love. But this is so different from what I’ve felt before. I don’t feel responsible for her. I don’t have the need for her to take care of me. I don’t need to blame her for my difficulties.
We have the best time together. I respect the way she thinks and feels. She doesn’t embarrass me. I don’t feel jealous when she’s with other people. I don’t feel envy when she is successful.
Perhaps love does exist.
But it’s not what everyone thinks love is.”
He could hardly wait to go back home and let her know about his idea. As soon as he told her, she said, “I know exactly what you’re talking about. I had the same idea long ago but I didn’t want to share it with you because I know you don’t believe in love. Perhaps love does exist but it isn’t what we thought it was.”
They decided to become lovers and live together and it was amazing that things didn’t change. They still respected each other. And the love grew more and more.
Even the simplest things made their hearts sing with love because they were so happy.
Then one night a great miracle happened. The man was looking at the stars and he found the most beautiful one and his heart was so full of love that the star came down from the sky and soon it was in his hands.
Then, a second miracle happened and his soul merged with that star. He was intensely happy and he could hardly wait to go to the woman and put the star in her hands to prove his love to her.
And as soon as he put the star in her hands, she felt a moment of doubt. This love was overwhelming and in that moment the star fell from her hands and broke into a million pieces.
Now, there is an old man walking around the world swearing that love doesn’t exist. And there is a beautiful old woman at home waiting for a man, shedding a tear for a paradise that she once had in her hands but for one moment of doubt, she let it go.
This is the story about the man who didn’t believe in love.
Who made the mistake? The mistake was on the mans part thinking he could give the woman his happiness. The star was his happiness.
And his mistake was to put his happiness in her hands. Happiness never comes from outside of us. He was happy because of the love coming out of him.
She was happy because of the love coming out of her. But as soon as he made her responsible for his happiness, she broke the star because she could not be responsible for his happiness.
No matter how much the woman loved him, she could never make him happy because she could never know what he had in his mind. She could never know what his expectations where. She could not know his dreams.
“If you take your happiness and put it someone’s hands sooner or later that person is going to break it”
If you give your happiness to someone else, he or she can always take it away.
Then if happiness can only come from inside of you, and is the result of your love, you will be responsible for your happiness.
We can never make anyone responsible for our own happiness, not if we wish to be fulfilled.
I culled the story above from a book called “The Mastery of Love” by Don Miguel Ruiz and if you liked this stories message, I guarantee you’ll cherish the book.
Now, I’m not gonna profess to be marriage/relationship expert but I do know a thing or two about the relationship dynamics between a business owner and your clients or customers.
Some business owners, of course not you, but people you know, hope their customers don’t share the love in their wallet with their competitors. They do everything from bad mouthing competitors to hiring ad agencies to selling at the lowest price in an effort hoard all of their attention and live in paranoia of losing it.
It’s gonna happen. Jay Abraham customers are gonna buy from Dan Kennedy. Nordstrom’s customers are gonna buy from Zappos.com. McDonald’s buyers are gonna give Burger King some of their money.
You’re never gonna stop people from exploring the variety that comes with the promise of shiny new options
Breakthroughs happen when you think the opposite way that losers do.
Losers have a scarcity mindset. Losers focus on taking instead of giving. Winners know there’s more than enough to go around so they focus on spreading the love.
Look at this little gem that was revealed by Martin Weiss, of Weiss Research fame, One of Clayton Makepeace’s Jillion dollar clients. This was actually part of the interview Clayton did with Martin during his Info-marketing Superstars Series…
Martin Weiss: Most people know my dad as the man who predicted the stock market crash, as the man who helped Eisenhower balance the budget, as the man who – who was a, a very famous stock market analyst, but what people don’t know is he was a very big innovator in the field of direct marketing and information publishing.
For example, back in the old days, the major financial publishers, which were McGraw Hill, Dow Jones, Business Week, Forbes, Kiplingers, they did not allow anyone to get access to their active subscriber list.
It was taboo to let anyone else mail to your list, and my dad stepped in and created a group of about half a dozen of the leading publishers, and was trying to persuade them to – to swap their lists so that everyone could benefit.
And there was tremendous resistance to that, until one day he walked into a meeting and said, “Here, take my list, with no commitments.”
And sure enough, everyone began using each other’s lists and the whole industry grew.
Dow Jones grew it’s Wall Street Journal subscriptions, McGraw Hill grew it’s Business Week subscriptions, and so on. And that’s now the standard in the industry. You – if you have active subscribers, you typically will allow other publishers that meet certain ethical and other criteria to – to mail to your list.
Clayton Makepeace: For a rental fee, it’s a profit center for your company, right?
Martin Weiss: Exactly.
By the way, if you haven’t gotten a hold of the notes I took on Clayton Makepeace’s Online Profit Multiplier program, you’re missing out. This is where he dissected the lead generating process he uses to rake in a shit load of prospects and millions of dollars for good old Martin. Do yourself a favor and find out every step to take to do the same. The product page isn’t finished for this program so just email the chief at firstname.lastname@example.org if you want to know what Clayton and Martin know about kicking ass.
I recognize the service the chief and I provide in taking notes on these programs such as Formula 5, Mass Control, or Simple Writing System as a method that increases the desire for you to go out and give Stompernet, Frank Kern and John Carlton more of your money.
Think about it…
A small minded person might hear about what we’re doing and think people buying the notes takes money out of the guru’s pocketss.
The stats don’t lie…
What those people don’t understand is that most of our customers ALREADY own the programs for which they’re buying notes for. They’re just so “information OVERLOADED, that they haven’t allowed themselves to absorb into their business the outcome the product promised.
I completely and totally identify with this feeling. There’s a shit load of books, audios and DVD’s sitting on my shelf I haven’t made time to study yet. Opportunity waiting to be unleashed.
That’s the frustration that birthed this whole site. I thought, “Shit, I can’t be the only guy feeling this way.”
The over-arching theme we hear repeated over and over again is…
“If I can do something in 4 hours instead 40 hours, I’m going the 4 hour route every single time.”
The thing is, it’s pretty fuckin’ hard for any guru to sell 75 page PDF of pure marketing gold for $2500.00.
For that kind of price, people need to see some physical bulk which lead to the introduction of the 4 days worth of DVD footage, hours and hours of bonus CD’s, workbooks, slides, follow up calls, mindmaps and fat & chunky continuity program to top it all off.
You buy four of these heavy duty packages in a year and you’ve just given yourself a part-time job. That is, if you don’t get overwhelmed by everything you already have going on in your life.
Dan Kennedy talks about selling a single 45 minute audio tape for his theft-control client for $500. What’s weird is that I’ve never seen him try to do it himself. Doesn’t mean he hasn’t tried, just means I’ve never heard of him talk about making it work for him.
So while a few people choose to see us as the enemy of the guru, I don’t.
I see myself as an ally to not only the gurus, but also to you, the person who may or may not be beating themselves up for not taking full advantage of the resources they’ve already invested in.
I see myself as an ally to the guru for one of the primary reasons they teach to their clients…
When You Get People To Actually Consume Your Product And Then Implement… That’s When Retention Goes Through The Roof. This Is The Core Of Cultivating Raving Fans… And Every Guru Knows It
The short-sighted person looks at what the chief and I are doing here and think we’re taking love away from the guru’s. The enlightened individual see’s that what we’re doing only deepens the love they get from their customers because they’re that much closer to receiving the full benefit of what’s laying dormant on their shelf.
A product never consumed is never fully appreciated therefore complete and total love is withheld.
In my estimation the quality of our notes or our brand isn’t the main reason people buy from us. It is a reason, but I believe you already have a fascination with these guru’s and the topics we’ve put together guides for, not just us.
And guess what? No major gurus have come at us wielding an axe screaming bloody murder. And it’s not like they don’t know we’re here.
I assume they’ve risen to the top because they think big and they understand on some level what I just explained.
If anything, negative unconscious feelings could actually sabotage their future sales because people link pain to the marketer because of the embarrassing memory of plunking down $3,000.00 for the last product/seminar and never doing a damn thing with what they bought.
What we’re doing here can actually resuscitate dead customers.
The point I want to hammer home here is to beware who you see as an enemy. Your competitors can be allies to you. Your customers and clients can be your greatest allies if you stop putting all of your career happiness in all of their hands.
Realize approximately 20% of people who ever buy from you will get the full benefit your product or service promises. If your product/service meets their needs, they’ll likely keep coming back to you over and over and over again.
Next, get comfortable knowing those same 20% are probably some of your competitors best customers also. You’ll sleep a lot easier when you embrace these truths.
Talk to you soon,
Note Taking Nerd #2