The monumental tactic I'm unveiling here today is on display in this pic... What is it?

Hey you,

It’s #2.

I love Sir Ben Kingsley.

He’s a master of this renegade tactic I’m going to reveal to you today. In his little 120 pound frame, Sir Ben brings an intensity to some of his roles that is ASTOUNDING. In my last post I showed you a clip of him playing the revolutionary leader Gandhi.

Today I bring you a clip from the role he played in the movie Sexy Beast. See if you can pick out the single conversational distinction that lets him push around a man that’s 120 pounds heavier than him. Hint: It has absolutely nothing to do with the vulgar language he’s using or his insults…

After having watched it, do you think you know what I’m referring to?

Stay with me and I’ll show you what I picked out and why it’s so important for you implement it in your every interaction with people, AND how people of influence use it everyday to become wealthy and influential and how you can do the same.

Even if you only weigh 100 pounds, are unattractive and financially poor at the moment.

The First Step To Transforming Yourself From Beta To Alpha: Eye Contact

This is something we need to talk about.

It’s my belief that as a man or a woman, if you can’t stare at another person, even if it’s another man, in the eye for 20 seconds or 30 seconds, you’re not really gonna be able to get the results you want in life. I can say that with quite a bit of certainty. This isn’t arbitrary.

These two are absolutely related.

Looking into another animal of the same species eyes is very primal and it’s basically how animals decide who’s dominant. Tribal animals, they’ll walk in and they can tell right away by the dynamics, who the alphas are, and how the whole social order goes.

But when animals are roaming and they just meet one other animal, it’s a little more difficult and that’s when that mechanism, where they hold the gaze and the beta animal says “Yeah, I’m the beta by averting their eyes.” Humans are the same way.

Here’s an example of the power of eye contact…

Study finds holding eye contact is critical when police confront hysterical citizens

“Mardi Kidwell’s, the assistant professor of communication at the University of New Hampshire, research relies on police-citizen interactions obtained from the FOX TV show “COPS,” now in its 19th season.

She used footage from “COPS” because most research on police-citizen interaction does not rely on a real-time, in-the-moment unfolding of events. In addition, police departments are reluctant to provide footage of their police-citizen interactions.

In the “COPS” segment discussed in the study, two police officers are trying to calm down a woman whose grandson has been shot. The six-minute segment shows the officers arriving on the scene of the shooting, inspecting the victim, questioning witnesses, discussing the case with other officers and, finally, seeking to calm the victim’s grandmother, who herself has been shot at.

The officers are forced to use increasingly stronger verbal tactics – called directives – to get the woman to look at them as they try to calm her down. The woman repeatedly looks at the officers and then looks away, and continues to be hysterical. Finally, one officer gently touches the woman’s face and turns it toward him, forcing her to look at him. Eventually, the officers are able to keep eye contact with her long enough so as to calm her down, help her regain a normal breathing pattern and compose herself so she can drive to the hospital to see her grandson.

Kidwell has found that officers treat citizens’ (usually suspects’) refusal to gaze at them as resistance, and they will continue to pursue the citizens’ gaze in order to gain compliance. “In situations of someone’s extreme distraught-ness, refusal to gaze is associated with being ‘out of it.’

Kidwell analyzed more than 35 hours of footage and hundreds of police-citizen interactions as part of her research. She found that police rely on holding gaze to calm individuals in a number of situations, including getting them to cooperate during questioning, keeping them from interfering with emergency workers, and gaining their compliance during arrests.”

Here’s another case study on a lighter note of how critical it is to have your eye contact running on all cylinders…

It’s Official: You Are More Likely to Think Other People Are Attractive If They Are Looking Straight At You and Smiling

Tiny But Significant Difference, eh

Claire Conway and colleagues at the University of Aberdeen in Scotland, UK, paired nearly identical photos of computer-generated faces, with smiling or disgusted expressions. The pair differed only in where the irises were pointed: straight at the viewer, or off to the side (see image).

Several hundred Aberdeen undergraduates, in the lab and online, rated the faces for sexual attractiveness, and for likeability, a sexually neutral quality. Both men and women found faces looking straight at them to be more attractive and more likeable, even if the faces looked disgusted though unsurprisingly, there was a greater preference for smiles.

What about cultures, common in Asia, where gazing directly at someone is rude? “The Asian participants [in the study] demonstrated preferences for direct, over averted gaze,” Conway told New Scientist. But these are private preferences, she cautions. “Whether or not such preferences are also expressed in public situations we don’t know.”

The Studies Are Out But What Do You Feel When You Check In With Your Body?

Basically in the animal kingdom when 2 animals stare at each other and no one averts their eyes, they’re either gonna fight or they’re gonna fuck. That’s how it works. Usually the fight and if they’re male and female, then they have sex.

People who look away last get laid more, make more money, command the attention of the room, basically any kind of metric in the book has probably been studied. It’s kinda like that weird thing that plays out in society with height, and how every inch adds so much to your income. Well this is actually a lot more significant.

Being able to look people in the eye.

It’s really the most important skill, the core skill. It’s basically your body’s way of asserting to another body, “I’m dominant, I’m in charge, I’m a leader.” Until you learn to be calm while maintaining eye contact, you’re gonna have major challenges in your life.

You just are.

You need to build this muscle before you can be as confident as you possibly can as a human being. I’m mentioning this because like a bunch of the stuff we teach, if you only practice this when it’s show time, you won’t get good at it.

Does Your Bathroom Mirror Punk You?

One place to test how comfortable you are with eye contact is when brushing your teeth. While you’re scrubbing away, how comfortable do find it to gaze into your own eyes? Can you do it without having this tightening in your chest or stomach and the primal urge to look away? If so, I commend you. You’ve probably got a good handle on this already. If not, I’ve found this to be a great place to start eye contact mastery.

Do Snapshots Show You Who’s In Charge?

Another place you can test out your eye contact muscle is when looking at pictures where the person is staring directly back into the camera. Attractive pictures of women and pictures of potentially threatening, imposing men will give you some real guttural feedback. For me, after I became aware of this concept, I found myself feeling like I was being “Busted” when looking into the eyes of woman in a magazine. Then it clicked as to why I felt the same way when I caught eyes with a woman in public. WEIRD THESE PRIMAL REFLEXES ARE, EH?

Biggest Contribution Towards Building Your Eye Contact Power

If you really want to practice, do it with your boss or the VIP in your world.

And if your boss is a good boss, he’ll do it back. And they’ll respect you and be like “Cool, this guy’s getting what I’m saying. When I tell him I want it on Wednesday, he heard it.” Or, “Wow, that guy acts like me, we should give him a promotion.”

Some people read the studies and they’re outraged, “People who make eye contact longer, make more money?!?! Corporate America is insane!” No, they’re not. Those are the real leaders. Those are the real leaders.

But don’t believe me. Check it out for yourself. And as always just check in with the common sense part of your mind and see if makes sense and feels right.

Just doing an exercise of standing with someone and staying calm in your presence while maintaining eye contact in a no pressure situation will fire off all these mechanisms. All of these things fire off in your body and then you realize that you can just stand there and you can be calm and present in the face of all these emotional things that are firing off inside.

So you need to be practicing this EVERYDAY. It’s that important. When you get to a place where you can just stare at a person for 30 seconds you won’t believe how much easier it will be to assert yourself in your day to day situations.

Now if you wait to only practice this when you go to the big meeting, you’re never gonna get good at it. The good news is that you can practice this ALL the time. The great news is that if you practice it all the time, you’ll make A LOT MORE MONEY!

Anytime you sit down with someone and have lunch with them just look at them with a little more intensity than you’re used to. Do it when you’re talking, do it when you’re listening. Kinda smile, that’s you saying, “Hey, I’m a boss. Hey, I’m a leader.”

To you bringing out your own personal sexy beast,

Note Taking Nerd #2

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