Women can't get no satisfaction! Or can they?

Women run EVERYTHING today and they’re more unhappy than ever. Why?

Hey you,

It’s #2.

Men, women are kicking our ass; the statistics don’t lie…

Today in our society the world is different than 2-3 decades ago.

Time magazine just did a recent cover and there have been about 4 studies that have been done in the last 40 years, around the world, in 15 different countries. And what they find is that women experience life very differently today than they did in the past.

Back in 1972, women had very few choices. Time magazine was doing a story in the 1970’s and they were comparing it to and they were saying, “There’s these new women who are empowered. Who are taking control of their lives.” Well, those aren’t new women, that’s every woman today, right?

In a paragraph of the article it says, “If you are a woman reading this magazine 40 years ago, the odds were good that your husband provided the money to buy it, that you voted the same way he did, that if you got breast cancer, he would be asked to sign the form authorizing the mastectomy, that your son was heading off to college but not your daughter and that your boss, if you had a job, could explain that he was paying you less because after all, you were probably working just so you could have pocket money.”

Think about it, it’s crazy how things change slowly and then suddenly we realize the whole world has changed.

Here’s the reality today. In 1972 there weren’t any women running corporations. There weren’t women who were running brigades in the army. You didn’t have secretaries of state that were women. You didn’t have women who were running for the president of the United States.

But today, women run EVERYTHING

The corporations, regiments of the army, their families, everything you can imagine, all simultaneously. Today, women, for the first time in history, are more than 50% of the workforce in the United States. It just happened for the first time in the history of the world.

Men are the minority in the workplace.

Because when the recession happened, men lost jobs like crazy and with women it increased. Back then in those early days, 30-40 years ago, the majority of doctors clearly were men. The majority of lawyers were clearly men. The majority of people in college were men.

Guess what? 60% of graduates today are women.

More than men now. They’re getting more education than men. The majority of people graduating with a law degree or a medical degree are women. 3 out of the last 4 secretaries of the state were women.

And you had television anchors back in 1972, you didn’t have any of them who were women. 2 out of the 3 networks now have women who are anchoring. 40% of women today are the bread winners in their family. That means they’re bringing in the majority of the money for the family.

And here’s something else…

Our world is changing so rapidly because men and women both work, that today, single mothers are 1/3 of the population. They’re not only having to be the breadwinner, but they’re having to be the full time parent, around the clock with no help from a man.

It’s a different world.

Today, 71% of women who have children, work. So imagine how difficult that is for a human being. Men have always worked, but men have always counted on women helping to raise the children or to do all of the details involved with getting those kids to school and take care of them and look out for them.

The world has changed.

Even women who have children under the age of 3, think of the intensity, if you’ve had kids, and when they are in those terrible two’s and the intensity of attention and focus of knowing where things are and what happens and the focus that goes into making sure they don’t get hurt.

60% of women who have kids under the age of 3 also work. WOW!!!

So the level of stress women experience is something most men can never understand. They have no frame of reference for it. And as a result, 79% of women talk about having stress consistently. Almost 80%.

And today 61% of women are overweight. That’s 50% more than just 20 years ago to give you a sense.

I didn’t tell you all of this just to throw a bunch of statistics at you. I’m telling you this because you have unique stresses that you’ve got to deal with because if you don’t, you’re gonna have to find some way to deal with this stress and the most common way culturally besides drinking and smoking, is eating.

So how do you deal with that stress? Well, one way is to find your inner conflicts and start to shift them. I’ll tell you the biggest statistic that grabbed me, was that men used to always be more unhappy than women. 40 years ago, for as long as they’ve taken polls, men’s happiness was lower than women’s. Women were always more happy.

In the last 40 years, consistently, all around the world, in more than a dozen countries, that they’ve done statistical measurements women are now more un-happy than men. They have more choices, more freedom, more power and they’re unhappy.

So what am I saying? Am I saying you should go home and take care of your children and cook in the kitchen? No. What I’m saying is that we’ve got to address the issues that are making people so un-happy and specifically, women so un-happy. And it is, really not knowing how to deal with this stress.

We all need help finding what drives us, what makes us go. I believe in energy. I believe energy has power. Energy allows you to make your dreams a reality. If you don’t have energy it’s pretty hard to be passionate, isn’t it?  Without energy there’s no intensity, you don’t have power for your kids, you don’t have the power for your friends and most importantly, you don’t have the energy for yourself. You have figure out how release the energy inside of you that’s trapped by stress or trapped by inner conflict.

The Pressure Cooker

For most people, their drive comes from pain, not from pleasure.

This is really important because pain eventually goes away and you lose your drive. And if you can get linked up with pleasure, you can keep making progress.

See, some people workout because they have to. And if you get enough of a habit, you can still do that for the rest of your life. Usually this doesn’t excite you. Some people go to the gym in the morning or they go for a walk because they love it, because they love to be out in nature or they love to go work out or they love that feeling of feeling strong again.

The more powerful way to change is called pull motivation.

Pull is when there’s something that you want and you’re doing it because you’re pursuing something you desire. Push motivation is when you have to push yourself or someone else is pushing you to do something and whenever a push happens, we tend to have some part of us that pushes back. Don’t we?

So, think of it this way. Here’s the typical reason why people make progress and then go right back to their old pattern. I call it the pressure cooker.

Phase 1

Imagine pressure builds up in you. We’ll use weight loss as an example here. Days go by, you gain weight, you’ve eaten poorly, you’re not feeling good and finally one day you hit your pain thresh hold. Were all of a sudden you can’t get into your clothes, they’re so tight and you don’t want to get something even bigger.

Or you get on an airplane and you try to get in that seat and your waist is so tight that you can barely squeeze into it. And you get angry with yourself. Something hits you, maybe you see yourself in the mirror and for the first time you really look.

Something happens where the pain becomes so intense that at this first phase of change you now decide change is a must. It’s not a should, I must do this and I must do it now.

Have you had this, where you say “No more, not another moment, not another day, I’m going on a diet.”

This initial pressure in phase 1 makes you take action.

What happens in Phase 2?

Let’s say you really do something good, you start to exercise, you start to eat better, and you start making progress. You eliminate cakes or cookies or something. And all of a sudden you need to lose 35 pounds and you lose 10 or 12 pounds in a matter of a few days or weeks or whatever the case may be.

You’re really proud of yourself. Think about this. What made you do this? Pain. Internal pressure. As soon as you lose 10-12 pounds or 5 or 6, it all depends on the person, as soon as you lose a certain amount of weight, as soon as that happens, you start feeling good about yourself.

You start seeing that your pants are loose, and that part feels good. But there’s a point, if you’re trying to lose 30 pounds, it might be at 15 pounds, you’ve worked hard for weeks and weeks and maybe even a few months, there’s a point where in phase 2 you feel less pressure.

Do you know what I mean? You feel less pressure to have to do it. And you start to say, “Look at this, I’ve lost 5 pounds. I deserve a little piece of cake for god sakes,” or “I don’t have to workout EVERY day.” Have you ever done this to yourself?

And what happens in this phase is there’s not as much pain, so think of this way, Phase 1: pain makes you change. It makes change a must. You take massive action. Phase 2: because you take action you get great results and you make progress.

Phase 3 of the pressure cooker

The pressure starts to go down because you’re getting results.

The less pressure, the less drive to solve the problem. And what do you think Phase 4 is?

Phase 4:

Eventually because you have less pressure and because you let yourself go back, you get back some of the old habits, and before you know it, you’ve gained back all 30 pounds. Does this sound familiar to you?

So the pressure cooker can be changed by you deciding that “I’m here to create something I want. I want to feel free, I want to feel alive, I want to be able to breathe differently, move differently, I want to be able to wake up in the morning and look in the mirror and say “You sexy bitch you!!!”

You need to find something that excites you, that you want. If you’re just doing it only to get out of pain, it won’t last.

The pressure cooker never lasts. Deep desire will. Or, just doing things a little bit at a time.

One way you can end the sabotage of “The Pressure Cooker”

Now real fast I want to give you a quick technique. As long as we’re talking about pressure, we all build up pressure and before we go start exercising or dieting, most of us build up pressure and what we do? We go eat. Or we go play on Facebook. Or we go watch a movie.

But most of us will overeat because we have stresses about our children, or about our work or about some of the things we’re trying to get done, or all the stuff happening at once and we feel all this internal pressure, this internal stress, then we want to get rid of it.

So we try to change our focus or we try to change our body. Eating changes your focus and the way that you feel. I want to give you an alternative way to change your focus. A really quick way.

Here’s what the research has shown…

That whenever you get pressure or stress in your body, you do it in a predictable way. Now everyone does it little bit differently. You can try this out.

This is how to take the arc of pain, you know how pain builds up and builds up and there’s like an arc to it, and then you get to that thresh hold and you eat or you scream at someone or you do something to get rid of it.

We want to go from an arc of stress, to an arc of pleasure. An arc of peace. That’s what we really want.

Here we go…

Step #1:

Identify a time in your life recently where you felt a LOT OF DEEP STRESS inside your body. Now don’t just think about this intellectually but physically feel it in your body. A lot of us just try to make it up in our head.

This is where we’ll notice what the pattern is that we use to create stress. There’s a location that it starts with. For most people it starts in their belly. For others, it starts in their chest. Some people in the face, the head, the legs. It’s different for everybody but we’ll find out where it starts.

Then you find the direction of that energy. Energy has a direction. It might be moving in towards you and then out or from inside you out. There’s lots of ways and we’ll find out how you do it.

And there’s a color to this pain. I know it sounds weird but let’s do that first.

Step #2: Rate the intensity of it.

You want to find out 0-10 how painful is it as you’re feeling it in your body right now. And then we’ll reverse this pattern and measure it again to see if some of that pain is reduced or maybe even disappeared.

Let’s begin…

Can you think of a time recently where you felt a lot of stress? Intense stress. Can you not just think about it intellectually but can you actually go back to that moment and put it into your body.

Where’s the first place this stress or pain starts? What part of your body? Touch that part.

Now there’s an arc to it. Does it go out and in or up and get caught in your throat? What’s the movement of this energy in your body? Maybe it goes down your body and you’re your belly or down through your chest and down through you toes, where does it start and where’s the arc?

What color do you attach to this pain or stress?

Now this is just a metaphor so don’t worry about it being right or wrong just go with your first gut reaction.

Now keep feeling this, I know it’s unpleasant but we’re gonna change it, really put yourself into this feeling. Nod when you’re there. Tell me on a scale of 1-10, how painful is this stress, how deep, where 10 is totally painful and 0 is not at all.

Let’s change this right away.

Here’s what I want you to do, what’s the color that you associate to either peace or strength, a color that would change how you feel about anything?

Now we’re gonna take that color and we’re gonna reverse this arc so if it ended coming out of your mouth, now you’d feel the energy coming from the outside, in and it’s your feel good color. And make sure that it goes through your heart. Not just your chest.

Take the color that you associate peace or strength or joy to and start at where pain used to end and go in the reverse direction and end where it used to start. And make sure it goes through your heart. Feel it going through your heart and it go back out of your body or it can stay in your body if it feels good, whichever you prefer. And do this 7 times.

How does that feel now, 0-10, 10 being the ultimate pain, 1 being least amount of pain?

Sometimes people will do their 7 and go back and put another color or they’ll change the rhythm of it in their body or they’ll bring in another emotion like strength, joy or peace.

How does that feel to be able to change that quickly?

Now let’s see if we can make it feel even better. Now do your positive arc of pleasure but when you do it this time, I want you to think about the gift that this is not only giving you, but the people you love.

Because the most typical thing for women, what I’ve found about this wonderful species that I respect and love is that they’ll usually do more for others than they will for themselves.

So I want you to think about, if you were at an 8 or a 9 what would that gift be for your children, for your husband/boyfriend, for your friends AND for you. If all that could be a gift that could light up your life, and now with a light coming through you, not just a color but a light coming through you, now I’d like you to do it 7 times if you would. And you can change the rhythm if you want. Play with the pace or the rhythm or you might want to add another color or try a whole different color this time that gives you more strength or more joy or more peace.

Take your time. There’s no rush. Sometimes doing it faster feels good, sometimes slower feels good. What’s the arc of pleasure for you?

Normally what would you do to try to deal with the yucky stressed out feelings? Some women grab something to eat and then they get mad at themselves for eating. And that increases the cycle. And this makes it even easier to snap at people or get upset.

Not using a pleasure arc means you end up getting abused in the end over and over again because you care so much. This is the cycle of caring turned back into REAL caring. So you’ve gotta care for yourself and you hear people talk about loving yourself but how do you do it? Here’s a little way, give yourself an arc of pleasure and the only way to do it is to get out of the arc of pain.

How confident are you that you can do this? Right now as you do this, as you feel it, are you willing to take on this new opportunity for you life?

NO MORE ARC OF PAIN FOR YOU!!!

Of course you’ll feel pain because that’s a part of being human but now you know how to get out of it, literally, in 2-4 minutes.

If you can go from 6-7-8 level of pain and just reduce the pressure in your body, reduce the stress down to a 2 or a 3 or a 0, that’s a home run. But if you can go from pain to pleasure, now you’ve got something that’s really wonderful.

Now some women I do this with them, when I first do it with them they’ll say, “I’ve gone from a 7 of pain, down a 2.” And I’ll say, “Do you have any pleasure?” And they’ll say, “Well yeah, I actually do,” but they don’t ever look for it. So I ask “Where are you on a pleasure scale?” They’ll go, “I’m a six on pleasure,” and I’ll say, “Wait, you’re a six on pleasure and a 2 on pain simultaneously?” Only a woman could pull this off. Hahaha because you can multi-task and have different emotions going there, so start to focus so start to focus on the pleasure and you’ll experience more of it.

So, maybe today, tomorrow you start to build some stress and what you gonna do? Four steps real fast to get out of the arc of pain into the arc of pleasure.

Figure out Step #1

Identify how you’re creating the pain. Remember there’s 3 questions, Where does it start? What’s it’s direction? What color is it?

Step #2 – Rate it

0-10. 10 is absolute pain, 0 is no pain at all. Where is it right now?

Step #3 – Reverse the pattern.

All you’ve gotta do is pick a better color first. What’s a color you associate joy, or pleasure, or strength or maybe peace to? Take this color and make it vivid. And then what’s the location it ended on before because we’re reversing it, right? If it started in your stomach and ended in your mouth, you start in the mouth and move down to the stomach. That’s gonna be a new arc.

So, new color, new location that is the reverse of the old one, new direction – moving the opposite direction. And you can play with different emotions, strength, joy, peace, or different rhythms. Do it 7 times.

Step #4: Test it. Where are you now?

From minus 10 in negative emotions to 0, all the way up to +10 in positive emotions. Where are you? Are you out of pain? You might find that the first time that you lower the pain, but not yet at pleasure, do it again. Add another color, try a different tempo, think of the people you love and how this is a gift for them, do it again.

Usually, once you’ve done this a few times, you’ll literally be able to do this in a minute and go straight out of stress, out of your mind, into a place of comfort. You’re gonna be free.

=================================================================================

Now all of this came directly from a product Tony Robbin’s built called “The Path to Permanent Weight Loss”

I’m a humongous Robbins fan and I don’t think there’s a product of his that I HAVEN’T liked. But what I enjoy most about this one is the fact that it has NOTHING to do with your diet or exercise.

It has EVERYTHING to do with the “Why”, the emotions behind what you do and the decisions you make in regards to your body.

For instance Tony believes there’s 3 forces that allow you to lose weight:

#1:  Emotion

That’s it. It’s the ability to get control of that mind of yours, to get control of that internal dialogue, where you believe the stuff you’re telling yourself like “I can’t do it,” or “I’m overwhelmed,” or “No one cares,” or “No one understands.” If you start believing your own thoughts like that, which most of us do, they start to control you.

#2: Diet

You can get results doing just about any diet where you become just a little conscious. You know, cutting down and not having sugar for a while or cutting it down by 60-70%, cut down the white bread or refined carbohydrates, there’s so many easy ways to do this and so many books. Do what works for you. But do take care of yourself.

Of these 3 things, that really control how your body turns out, both energy, health, vitality, and the weight, emotion is still the driver, isn’t it? Because whether you do a diet or not, is all based on emotion. You’re only gonna start dieting because something inside you emotionally shifts.

Mentally, emotionally you want to do something about it. And why you leave the diet and go back to your old ways is either because it’s not sustainable, so it’s not an intelligent approach, or something emotional happens.

#3: Exercise

Just making the change in emotion will make you want to move. You know why? Emotion comes from motion.

It’s energy in motion. That’s what emotion is all about. And when you’re happy, you tend to move. Think about it, most people talk about how tired they are and they aren’t doing nothing. They sit around doing paperwork doing all this stuff that really is physically demanding and they’re exhausted because they don’t move.

Very often we’re exhausted because we’re bored. When we move, we feel more alive, it’s an interesting thing. Here’s all you gotta know about exercise: Do something.

Don’t think about it as exercise. Think about it as something you enjoy. Something you enjoy that gets you moving.

There’s a really cool theory called fun theory. Fun theory stems from the idea that lots of people don’t do things and it’s not because they’re not motivated. It’s because they don’t link fun to it.

In Austria they did a study in an office building that had an escalator and stairs, side by side. Only 3-5% of people would take the stairs instead of the escalator. The majority of the population is overweight in most countries. So, why wouldn’t you use the stairs? Because it’s not fun. You know, you’ve gotta be huffing and puffing and get sweaty.

So all they did was one thing. They put sound sensors, little tiny digital sound sensors on each stair, about 35 stairs. And guess what? 85-88% of the people a day started using the stairs because it looks like a piano and people walk up the stairs and it makes these little tunes as you go up and down and they loved it. They absolutely loved it.

Here’s the secret… Just do something you enjoy. That’s all you gotta do.

This is what I think…

If you’re at all interested in taking care of the root of the issue of weight loss instead of dealing with the band aids (diets, pills, creams, exercise plans), or if you know of a loved one who is, I recommend you get a hold of this program.

I’ve only gone through 2 of the CD’s so far and I can safely say that they’ve more than paid for themselves just with what they offered, including the arc of pain and pleasure exercise given above.

Talk soon,

Note Taking Nerd #2

Advertisements