9-28-10 post

Hey you,

It’s #2.

Last night I was listening to an interview between Ben Settle and Mike Dillard about email copywriting and picked up on a magnificent tip that I wanted to share with you.

Mike was talking about ways to use email that brought value to your list while still allowing you to sell and one of the ideas he brought up was sharing in every one of your emails something that you were learning about that day. An idea from a book, audio program, article, whatever. Just share with them what you pulled from it and BOOM, you get to show up in their inbox with something valuable.

I love this idea.

So, in the light of putting this to use I want to share with you some stuff I’ve just picked up from the ever illustrious Eben Pagan. The course I’m going through now is called “Becoming Mr. Right and revolves completely around the idea of ending self sabotage in your intimate relationships. A lot of heavy duty looking at what makes you tick kinda stuff.

I’ve long been interested in the difference that makes the difference in life. Long ago I fell in love with the idea that success is 80% psychology and 20% mechanics. Well, since being introduced to this belief I’ve known that the way I saw intimate relationships play out in my life was far from… let’s say… pretty. I saw women AND men being screamed at, intimidated, people busted up with fists, palms, objects, people put in the hospital, people being put in jail, and all the parties involved said they *love* each other.  WTF?!?

Knowing I witnessed the exact wrong way to be in a relationship inspires me to look for better ways to *Love*

And the topic I’m sharing with you today answered a lot of questions for me. Maybe it will do the same for you.

One interesting answer to the question of “What’s the purpose of a relationship?” that I heard was, “To heal childhood wounds; yours and others.”

I heard this from Eben and like many of the pro’s he’s studied, he believes that our imprinting from childhood causes us any and all of the drama we get ourselves into for the rest of our lives and that until we go inside and become conscious of this fact; and then go on to re-wire what we feel and associate to these impact experiences and then most importantly; change our behavior, we’ll keep stepping in the same pile of shit that we have all of our life.

Especially when it comes to our intimate relationships.

In this context of this definition of the purpose of a relationship being rooted in healing childhood wounds, here’s a few things to mull over:

Think of something your mother used to do that you hated…

Now think of something that your father did that you hated…

Do you do either of these things to yourself?

Do you do either of these things to others? Do you find other people that do either of those things to others?

Do you find other people who do these things to others and then turn around and do them to you?

Isn’t it interesting that the things we hated, we do them to ourselves and to others and we find others who do these things to us?

When we do this to others and when they do this to us, it triggers a feeling of “I’m not good enough,” and it actually pushes the button on that childhood anchor tied to suffering. If you hate it and whether someone else, or you do it, you’re pushing that immobilizing button. When we push the button of pain and dysfunction and hurt and “I’m not good enough,” what do we do in those moments of life?

Do we do things that serve us? Do we do things that are healthy? Or, is everything we do in those moments destructive.

Your relationship with your mother or father is the key to all of this

So when the button is pushed, we engage in unhealthy behaviors because we don’t feel good about ourselves.

It’s hard to look inward and see this in yourself; “When I experience challenges with women, look at my relationship with my mother.”

As a guy I can meet a beautiful woman and be talking to her and if she starts doing something that’s un-beautiful such as smoking, complaining or something of that sort I get turned off immediately. And what about the opposite? I can bump into and start vibing with a beautiful woman and she can start doing things that make her even more beautiful & sexy.

Typically when you’re attracted to woman, there’s a trigger feature that sets off the part of you that says “Wow, I really like her!”

This trigger feature is usually related to a wound that you carry from childhood. Eben’s mentor, told him that at one point in his life he felt that, “If I connect with a  woman immediately and feel like I’ve known her forever, I can just stop the conversation and say, Ok, when were you abused?” He just knows there’s a better chance than not that she was abused, (and abuse doesn’t necessarily mean hard core stuff), and that they’re replaying each others childhood wounds.

How is possible that a giraffe could be attracted to a jeep?

We’re into this drama, story, triggering these emotions that we have that were set up when we were in childhood. Eben tells the story of a baby giraffe whose mother was accidentally killed by a jeep immediately after birth. The neonate, following hard-wired genetic programs, “imprinted” the first object that roughly fit the giraffe archetype – the jeep itself. He followed the machine around, vocalized to it, attempted to suckle from it, and, when adult, tried to mate with it.

Our attraction isn’t like this all the time but often it is when you feel that instant comfort with a woman that you just met. There’s a wound involved. Can you think back to a woman where it seemed so comfortable and natural and then it turned into this weird, dysfunctional thing that was like your relationship with your mom or, the relationship played out like your parents acted with each other?

And as a man, in a lot of cases you’re playing that same role out for her. It goes both ways. The way she didn’t get loved by her dad is the way you don’t give love to women. So now you two play this game of triggering each other and bringing out that side.

Do you want to transcend this game and the part of you that wants to have a story that you tell yourself about why all these things happen without having to actually to take responsibility yourself… or do you want to go to the next level?

Once you wake up, you can’t go back there anymore. You can’t deceive yourself. The imago is our imprint that we got when we were young about what the opposite sex is, what it looks like, what we should be attracted to and mate with. And our relationship with our mom, that’s what put that imprint there. Most of us are acting out of this paradigm, unconsciously. And we play this drama out and make up a story that sounds good to us. And we cover over the pain using techniques to get into a woman’s pants without having to actually connect.

Now you can skip the bullshit and just flat out ask a woman, “Are you my mom?” or “Am I your dad?” “Are we just trying to do that?”

You can do this early. You can say, “Let’s just see if you’re my mom & I’m your dad. What was your relationship like with your dad?” and you might talk and come to the conclusion, “Here we are again! So let’s just know that whatever happens from here on out, that we’re playing these dramas and let’s see if we can help heal these issues.” Some of these women you may be friends with, some you end up up being intimate with and decide you want to stay friends after the intimacy is over, or it might go forever. But when you start being upfront, it opens up a new level of freedom, of awareness, of maturity.

Maybe this is right for you, maybe it’s wrong but in the very least, I thought it was something to think about and give careful consideration to.

Beyond “What do I say to get a girls number…”

This idea of imprinting came from Eben Pagan’s “Becoming Mr. Right” program.

Maybe you know this, maybe you don’t, but Eben Pagan is the mastermind behind the $20 million dollar a year dating advice company, “Double Your Dating”. At the start of the seminar he admits that everything he’s taught up to this point about interacting with women has only served as a crutch when it came to dating more women. And, that it was counter productive to actually attracting the perfect woman for you. He knows he has to walk a fine line between giving guys what they really need and saying stuff that makes him irrelevant to the market place.

Selling this “imprinting” idea, right out of the gate, to guys who think that the only reason they can’t get hooked up with a girl is because they aren’t good looking or aren’t rich or that they don’t know what to say to start a conversation with a woman they meet at the bar… actually repels them. So, to bring these guys into the funnel, he put together the material like, “How to Meet Women in Bars and Clubs,” or “Double Your Dating” or, “Sexual Communication”.

Then when these guys get on the list and he builds a relationship with them, and they feel like they know, like and trust him, that only at this point can he can really level with them about what the “Real” issue is that’s stopping them. And that it has nothing to do with their flawed techniques and has everything to do with their mental programming.

What I’ve given you here out of the program is just a teeny, yet deeply profound part of the 7 hours of content I’ve already gone through. I have been massively impressed by this program so far and I can’t recommend it highly enough to any man who’s looking to get out of their own way when it comes to dating. And this is coming from a guy who’s seen a ton of “Get your mind right” stuff from the gurus.

Most women have never experienced a guy who’s just being transparent, honest and straight up. This same guy also knows his vision, the path he’s on and is developing himself and wants to channel and offer a lot of value. That’s what Eben brings to men in this program and I stand fully behind it. I don’t know exactly where you can find it but if you liked what you saw here and think you need a little help in this department, I’d definitely tell you to find this seminar and devote yourself to working through it.

Talk soon,

Note Taking Nerd #2