It’s Lewis aka Nerd #2.
Today you get a glimpse at one my colossal blunders from my personal life. Please learn the incredibly powerful lessons I did so that you can save yourself some drama in your bidniz and personal relationships.
This past weekend was supposed to be exciting. For me, and for a special woman in my life. It wasn’t.
It all begins with a relationship I re-cultivated via Facebook and furthered through the phone. This was a woman who, back in high school, I, and every heterosexual male in the building lusted for.
She was in town for 3 nights to receive an award from the company she works for and of course she wanted to meet up with me.
I put off meeting her until her last night she was here even though she called me every night wanting me to come hang out with her and her two friends that came with her.
Here’s the part where the nerd in me drops the easy touchdown pass…
Long story, short, we met at the mall and from there, her, her two friends and I were gonna eat, then go back to their room so they could get sexified and then I was to take them out to some of the clubs in Scottsdale.
Well, lets just say the highlight of my night ends up being the six minutes we spent talking to each other one-on-one in the clothing store.
Here’s what happened and two lessons I’ve learned that might serve you…
First: Go For What You Want In Life Like a One-Eyed Dog In a Butcher’s Shop
Do Not Meet Women With Their Friends Until You’ve Sealed a Physical Connection With Them
The proper way to be introduced to her friends is arm in arm, weeks after you’ve been physically intimate with her. For you that may mean holding hands, for me, that means sex.
Twice I’ve broken this rule in this year, including this night and twice it’s blown up in my face.
And it’s all because of me and my rules about how to connect, not because of the situation. I didn’t adapt and with hindsight being 20/20 I can think of all kinds of smooth shit I could’ve done to make both of these women feel special.
But in the heat of the moment, I choked, leaving both of the women to wonder if I was even attracted to them or not, all the way to the point where when the time came to switch up to doing something else, where in my mind, I’d decided was when I could get intimate, they both decided to eject.
You and I know we’ve had Double D sized opportunities laid out for us… and we’ve found ways to squander them and after it happens we ask ourselves, “What the Fuck were you thinking?”
It’s been a day and I haven’t heard a peep from this woman yet. I’ve heard from her friend that I flirted with, but not her. I know some variation of this question has been rolling around in my head trying to play mind reader and “Figure this whole thing out,” all bringing me to the an an ideas that boils down to this…
“If I woulda done this (insert smarter/smoother actions here) then…”
But you know what? That only serves me to a certain extent and then it comes down to me just running this endless loop of beating myself up for what may or may not have been wrong. Maybe I’m not supposed to be with this woman and the universe has a different plan in store for me.
Maybe something like this has happened to you to and you’ve sat and pondered and pondered and pondered the 20/20 hindsight way something should’ve gone down. Maybe you’ve done it for years. Maybe even decades.
My advice to you is to let it go. It’s DONE. Get the lesson, stop beating yourself up and tell yourself that now you’re better off because you have it trained into your nervous system that if you don’t go after what you want like a one-eyed dog in a butcher’s shop, you’re always gonna leave room for regret.
I suggest you err on the side of failing because you did something instead of holding back. Put yourself out on the limb and take the chance of crashing and burning instead of hesitating. This builds your courage and chips away at any need you have to be safe, approved of, in control or in other words, be perfect.
But you want to strive for perfection knowing that you’re imperfect and that you’re gonna make mistakes if you’re actively going after what you want and use them to overcome your challenges. The key here is making mistakes in dogged pursuit instead of cowardly retreat.
And when shit hits the fan, as it always will if you’re pushing your edge in life, then this point perfectly segues into the next lesson, which is…
Second: Ask Yourself, “What’s The Perfection In This?”
While everything that happens isn’t perfect, this question is another way of looking at a situation and sorting for how it can serve you.
There’s a strong part of me that subscribes to the belief that everything is un-folding exactly the way it’s supposed to, and that it’s all good.
So this allows me to ask the question, “What could perfect about what happened this past weekend?”
The perfection in this is me face planting into the reality that I need to step up to the big leagues and master my ability to get physical with women I want faster, which makes my intentions known and keeps me from ever getting put in the “No Sex Zone”, or what is commonly referred to as the “Friend Zone.”
This is my sticking point and now I have another awesome reference for why the approach I’m taking doesn’t work and now I can work towards improving it and now I can focus on it like a laser.
I’m now one step closer to the success I want.
I’m handling this current challenge with this woman with FAR more grace than I did, the first time it happened.
Especially considering the fact that she didn’t even tell me good-bye. In driving over to the resort, she thought she knew a faster way to get there, but she didn’t and I beat her there.
I show up, valet the car and hop out and walk into the lobby. Well, soon after this I realize that I forgot to grab my toothbrush so I go back out and tell the valet I need to grab my bag out of the car and I see this woman and her friends go by.
So I go to call her to ask her what room to go to and I look at my phone and see a text that say. “Hey, we’re not gona go out. Will call you tomorrow.”
To say I wasn’t disappointed would be a lie.
But I knew I’d done my part in getting that response. I didn’t make her feel sexy ALL night. Sure I was fun but I know damn well that she built this meeting up with everyone she knew (most importantly her two friends with her) and then we meet and I leave her wondering whether or not I’m even attracted to her.
I am. And I can totally understand what she might of felt, “Why would I continue making a fool of myself? Let me just cut my losses and chalk this up as a lesson learned.”
After calling her a couple times and not getting an answer I just shot her a text saying “Good deal. Talk soon. :)” and I hopped in my car and went home.
It’s my belief that when a woman you’re in a relationship with or are courting is pissed off at you and she tells you to leave her alone, she only means it about 5% of the time. The other 95% of the time, she’s waiting on the other side of the door for you to come in and help her move through what’s bothering her.
Both of these women tested me. Both times I failed. Miserably.
Learn from me. Be willing to go down in flames taking what you want and with whatever result that shows up, find something useful in that experience.
Lewis LaLanne aka Note Taking Nerd #2