If you’ve been coming around here much then you know that I’m not shy about “Telling It Like It Is”.

This may not win me friends on some occasions…

…but I’m staying true to my mission and telling the truth I believe will help you and I get closer to achieving our goals, dreams, and desires.

This post is really a conversation I’m directing to one of my best friends.

For a good portion of my life I was unconscious in the ridiculous bullshit I told myself.

I always had a story I told myself for why I was doing something.

If I cheated on my diet it “Was just one meal”.

If I spent more then I was supposed to it “was just this one time”.

If I lost more money at the casino then I was supposed to it “was expected anyway”.

On and On and On….

I believe that the majority of us are Professional Liars.

I believe we actually believe the fairy tales we make up to help us cope with the ever expanding list of let downs and lowering of standards on our behalves.

I think that it’s only when we become “AWARE” of these lies and begin to live a much more radically honest life that we can truly make substantial progress.

It’s this constant lowering of standards and lying that leads to a life unfulfilled.

It’s only been in the last little while of my life that I’ve truly been honest with myself in all areas of my life on a consistent basis.

Guess what. I’m happier and much more focused then I’ve been in years and maybe EVER!

This brings me back to my friend.

To pre-frame this I’ll give you the short back story.

He had committed to his little Mastermind to follow a certain new “Lifestyle Diet”. (I am doing this as well)

Part of this was to eat certain foods on certain days and have one cheat day per week.

A day where you can unleash your inner “Food Demons” and let it all hang out.

The day before we’d done just this and had a great “Saturday Food Extravaganza”.

Part of his ritual for the day is to enjoy some alcohol at the end of that day.

Only on this night he’d fell asleep and only got to drink half of his drink.

Now back to the Kitchen.

As I walked in I noticed him bobbing and weaving to some of his favorite tunes.

I silently watched for a few seconds and then I noticed him reach over and grab the leftovers from his drink (from the night before) and take a guzzle.

I sat and watched this for 5-7 minutes unnoticed.

Soaking up the irony of what was going on and reminiscing of the times I’d done the same.

I then verbally made myself noticed by raising my voice and announcing I’d entered the room.

He paced the room and whether he unconsciously noticed or not he would look off the corner of eye and then glance at me and see if I had seen the beer.

At one moment he walked over to the beer and positioned himself in front of it for a few minutes as if blocking the view.

I purposely stayed in the room longer then I’d planned just to watch the “show”.

Although He’d taken a few Gulps while I was watching unnoticed he did not take a single drink as I was in view.

So here is the lesson in this.

Was he wrong in drinking? You could say Yes but the truth is NO!

Does he have a drinking problem? NO!

Is he a full grown adult? YES!

But where he’s killing himself is not remaining true to the commitments he’s making to himself and his peer group.

It reminded me of 10 years earlier of having a bag of Frito’s fall out of his car when we were on a much more stricter Diet together.

It reminded me of the countless other examples I could share of both him and I repeating this same behavior.

Lying to ourselves.

Repeating this same pattern for Years.

Screw others. The real harm is in what we do to ourselves.

I find myself fighting this every single day.

I commit to doing 1 minute of a certain stretch during my stretching and alignment program and listen as my Inner Voice SCREAMS for me to quit at 45 seconds.

I do this when out doing sprints and the routine calls for 4 sets and that same Inner Voice SCREAMS for me to quit at 3.

I do this when at the Gym and quit at 5 reps when I know I can do 6 or 7.

All little lies that add up and will show up when “Things Matter”.

That’s the biggest lie of all.

“Just 15 seconds, just one set, just one rep….”

“It Doesn’t matter”


The difference now Is for the first time in my life I’ve began a program of brutal honesty in journaling.

I use my notes program in my phone and I journal about the moments when I do this.

I try and figure out why.

I dig deep and come up with better answers.

I focus more on my Why’s.

Guess what?

I find myself Lying to myself much less then ever before.

That little voice inside my head isn’t as loud and doesn’t show up as often.

I also make decision ahead of time.

When I go out for a walk or sprints and I’m not feeling good or my mindset isn’t right I have a heart to heart with ME.

I try my best to get “In State”.

In the end I commit to the plan or make adjustments I’m O.K. with and I give myself permission to do so Guilt FREE.

I’m very careful that this doesn’t become a habit.

The truth is I’ve done this Two Times in 3 weeks.

I’m o.k with that.

But when I did… I made the decision.

I didn’t tell some fairy tale bullshit story to make myself feel better after the fact.

In my next post I’m going to share with you some of my beliefs on the concept of Identity.

I bring this up because it’s related to my friend and what transpire this past weekend.

He has also tried to convince me that when he drinks he can truly be himself.

He’s tried to convince me that it’s hard for him to be himself around me because of my strong personality.

Again. A hilarious (to me) Fairy Tale that he’s selling himself so that he can feel better about a weakness in his personality.

This same pattern will present itself whenever he’s put in a situation involving Pressure.

Closing a Client?

Meeting a new Girl?

Doing a Presentation?

Waling into a room full of people that are “Doing Better Then You”?

Anything that involves him relaxing and being himself in a situation that is uncomfortable will all be situations that He could technically do better DRUNK!

That my friend is asking for trouble.

That’s a pattern you’d better look at NOW.

Because in the end it’s not about me, the client, the new Girl, or the presentation.

It’s about YOU!!!

And right now YOU have weaved one hell of Fantasy that enables you to continue to run this pattern.

Anybody that requires the influence of something outside of yourself that chemically enables you to change the way you act is ultimately in TROUBLE.

But this is just one example of the lies we tell ourselves to continue to run patterns that are destructive.

They may NEVER result in anything that requires you to change your life.

But they will ALWAYS stop you from becoming the Ultimate YOU!

I don’t know if my friend noticed his actions in the Kitchen.

But I do know this.

His unconscious did.


Because it knows the commitments we make.

Now fast forward to the day after.

I met my friend for a workout.

We met at his home and as usual I arrive early and use his front room for stretching and preparing my morning protein shake.

Usually, he is up, moving around, had his coffee ready, and “Ready to Go” well in advance.

This morning it was a Ghost Town.

Ten minutes before we are to go I hear some bustling from above.

He’d just gotten up.

No coffee.

No food.

No stretching.

He was visibly tired as he came down the stairs.

He’d prepared nothing for TODAY!

So my question is this.

Could that One Drink really cause this type of fall out.

I say YES!

He’s probably sold himself another story.

Could it have contributed to a later night then usual?

Could it have clouded his judgment in doing so?

Could the quality of his sleep been affected from alcohol consumption directly before bed?

Was his workout affected.

Is he paying a price as he goes through the day with less then optimal sleep?

I think you get the point.

Planning for SUCCESS the night before may be the most important habit you or I develop.

I could and probably will write an entire post on this topic alone.

It’s paying wonders for me right now.

So right now I’d encourage you to look in the mirror and take a good hard look at the most magnificent Liar that ever lived. YOU!

We all suffer from this.

Some more then others.

Begin to question those stories.

Become AWARE!

It’s the single most important thing you’ll ever do for yourself.

Oh..and to my friend whom I’m sure will read this.


…Otherwise I’d not write this.

I just wanted the rest of my friends (You, the Nerd Readers) to benefit as well.

Your Friend in Print.

Dexter Abraham – Chief Nerd