It’s Lewis LaLanne a.k.a. Nerd #2 a.k.a. L.L. Cool Nerd.
On your quest for personal improvement, I imagine you come across the word, “Love” quite often.
But do the gurus talking about it with you or your parents or friends or media, all the people who helped you come up with your own personal definition of this word, know what love is?
I don’t think so. And I believe that once you read this chapter from the book, “Love Yourself – And Let The Other Person Have It Your Way” by Larry Crane, you’ll have a new empowering view of what love really is.
Now please proceed onto one of the most elegant definitions of love that I’ve ever come across . . .
Chapter 3 ALMOST NO ONE KNOWS THIS
To love yourself, to be loving, it helps to know what love really is.
Almost everybody thinks they know what love is. However, very few really do. Many people get their information about love from movies, popular song lyrics, sources like that. Many people mistake romance for love. People mistake excitement for love.
Most people look at love as a deal. They say, “If you do what I want you to do, I love you. If you don’t do what I want you to do, I want you out of my life.” If it sounds harsh, check it out in your own experience. People get angry with their so-called loved ones because they don’t do what they want them to do. That’s why the divorce courts are so busy.
Love Is Not What Most People Think It Is
Let’s take a look at what love really is. Knowing what love really is helps us to be loving. In the following pages, Lester Levenson tells us about love in his own words . . .
Love is misunderstood. Love is a thing the world sings about, writes about, has movies about, and knows very little about.
Movies portray people winning each other over. All that is human love. Human love is selfish. Divine love is completely selfless. Real love is winning the universe, not just one person but every person, every being. Real love, divine love is a constant, persistent acceptance of all the beings in the universe.
Almost all people mistake ego approval for love. Because it is not love, it is not satisfying. Consequently, one continuously needs an demands it. And, this produces only frustration.
The best definition of love is a feeling of giving with no expectation of receiving anything for the giving. Love is giving with no strings attached.
Love Is Giving
When you are loving, you are giving.
It’s a very free giving. The giving may be giving of things, but it’s much higher if your givingness is an attitude. Your attitude is, you want the other person to have what the other person wants. The best example of this is the mother who will sacrifice everything for the child without considering herself.
Most people who give are not giving lovingly.
The are giving because of the recognition they think they will get from giving, ‘Look at me. I’m doing good, ‘ or’, ‘I may get my name in the paper,’ or something like that. That kind of so-called love will get you in trouble. People will drain you because you’re looking for something in return. You’re looking to put yourself up in the process and therefore they’ll pull you down.
Love Is A Constant Attitude
Love is an attitude that is constant. It doesn’t vary. Love is an attitude that requires no action. The love we are talking about is love you apply to everyone. You love strangers as much as you love your family, when you are being loving according to what love really is. You love those who oppose you as much as you love those who agree with you.
Love is a constant attitude that evolves in you when you develop it. You should practice love. First on your family. Try to love your family more and more. Grant each family member their own beingness, if you can. It’s difficult to do, especially with children.
Recognize each family member, including a child, as a whole, complete, infinite individual child of God. If you can’t do it, keep trying until you can.
Then apply the same attitude to friends, then strangers, then everyone.
People need each other and think it is love. The concept of possession, of holding onto, of fencing in, is the opposite of the meaning of love .
The way the world looks at love is not about sharing love but about gaining personal satisfaction, fulfilling some need of the ego. Real love, the love we’re talking about, wants nothing more but to share its love, and the more it is shared, the more joyous it is.
Acceptance Is Another Good Definition Of Love
When you love people, you accept them they way they are. You don’t try to change them. You grant them their beingness.
In other words, you let them be the way they want to be rather than trying to change them to be the way you want them to be.
Love has a sense of freeing those you love. When you are loving, you love the other one because of the way they are. When there is full love you feel yourself as the other person. You treat the other person like your very own self.
Love is not an emotion in the sense we usually think of emotion. Emotion is energy in motion. It’s an intense, active, disturbing thing. The feeling of love is the most peaceful feeling there is. In that sense, love is not an emotion.
Love is Power
Love is a tremendous power. Mahatma Gandhi is a good example. He taught, the British are our brothers, we love the British. He taught nonresistance to the British and taught his followers to express only love for them. When you love your enemies, you have no more enemies.
To love your enemy is the height of love. Loving the enemy makes the enemy impotent, powerless to hurt you. When you really love, you can never be hurt.
Love cannot be applied to one and not another. Real love can’t be turned on and off. When you’re loving, it’s impossible to love one person and hate another.
When you love one person more than another, it’s because that someone is doing something for you. That’s trying to get something and that’s not the love we’re talking about. That is human love, not the real love we’re talking about.
To the degree you hate anyone, to that degree you’re unable to love others. Your love is no greater than your hatred is for any one person.
Loving someone because they are nice to you is human love. It isn’t the love we’re talking about because if they’re not nice to you then you hate them. True love is unconditional. In true love one loves even those who oppose them. Gandhi showed us how to do that and how effective that kind of love is.
Here is How to Measure Your Love
Here is how to measure where you stand on the subject of true love.
Love everyone equally. Your ability to love every one equally is a tremendous yardstick for checking yourself and checking your growth in true love.
To test your own state of love, look at your enemies. If you don’t want to go that far, look at strangers. Examine your attitude toward strangers.
Your goal is equal-mindedness toward all beings, loving everyone equally. Your attitude should be: “You are me. I am you.” Your attitude should be they are my family. Every mother is my mother. Every father is my father. Every child is my child.
You achieve this attitude through understanding. That is the real sense of the word love. With this attitude you maintain love toward all beings; you maintain harmlessness for all beings. You maintain an attitude you want for them what they want for themselves.
One Should Strive To Love, Never To Be Loved
It’s impossible to get love. Only by loving can you experience love. Striving to be loved can only bring temporary happiness and temporary ego inflation followed by ego deflation.
When you are loving fully, there is no possibility of not being loved.
The easiest thing in the universe is to love everyone. Once you discover what love is, it’s the easiest thing to do. It takes effort and agony not to love. It takes tremendous effort not to love everyone.
When you love you are one with everyone. You are at peace and everything falls into line beautifully.
You get mixed up because your ego idea of love, the world’s idea of love, is when you give something away you have less of whatever you give away.
When you’re loving there’s no self sacrifice, no renunciation of your own interests in favor of the interests of others. We don’t hurt ourselves when we love everyone. That’s what the world thinks. But that isn’t the love we’re talking about.
Love is the Most Powerful Force
It’s impossible to be hurt when you love fully.
You are never hurt when you love fully. You only feel wonderful when you love. In fact, you feel the greatest when you love. When you love all the time, you love every being, you have nothing but a tremendously wonderful, warm attitude of everything is fine, every person is just right.
That’s the way you see the world when you love. When you hate, you see the same world in just the opposite way. So, it’s a tremendous thing to learn this little secret of the power of love.
Once you see what love is, the power behind love is more powerful than the hydrogen bomb. Love is the most powerful force in the universe. This love is not the love you’ve been taught to think it is. Love is nothing but the self with a capital “s ” that is God. God is love. God is all powerful. One with God is a majority. One individual with nothing but love can stand up against the entire world because this love is so powerful.
Love Will Give Not Only All The Power In The Universe, It Will Give All The Joy And All The Knowledge
Being loving, increasing your capacity to be loving, is gained by practicing being loving.
As has been said, start with your family, your friends, then strangers. By the way, the main thing a child wants from a parent is love.
You can’t fool a child. They know your feelings and that’s what they feel. They don’t listen to the words you put out. You fool yourself, you fool others with words, but you don’t fool children.
But giving love to a child will develop love in that child this lifetime and will condition that child to a very happy, a most happy life.
I’ve always said to mothers, ‘If you want to help your children, help yourself.’ That’s the very best way of helping your children. Before you can love a child, you have to know what love is, develop it, and be capable of loving. If you were capable of loving, instead of conflict with children, it would be the opposite, it would be a complete harmony between parent and child.
It’s only because we’ve lost sight of what love is that we are in this difficulty of opposition between parent and child.
There’s hardly a family in which this doesn’t exist today, it’s just a matter of how little or how much it is. Because the world, as it is today, is in a very confused state, it knows very little of the real values we came here for and is lost in chasing the false god called money, prestige and so forth.
he More You Practice Love, The More You Love
The more you love, the more you can practice love.
The more you develop your capacity to love, the more you come in touch with the harmony of the universe, the more delightful your life becomes, the more bountiful, the more every thing.
It starts a cycle where you spin upwards. If you want to be loved, the way to do it is to love. It’s not only the best way to do it but it’s the only way of receiving love, to give love, because what we give out must come back.
Being loving is easy, because right now you are all loving.
You don’t see it because it’s smothered over by wrong attitudes, non-loving attitudes, I don’t like him, I don’t like her, I don’t like them, I don’t like that group of people, I don’t like that kind of people, I don’t like people from that country, from that city. I don’t like people from that part of town.
Those attitudes are all in the direction away from love, they cover over the natural, all-loving being that you are. With all those non-love attitudes you are moving away from the loving being that you really are.
When you’re non-loving, non-loving experiences come back to you and you have more and more things not to love. When you’re non-loving, you have to be on guard. You have to protect yourself.
If you’re not loving the world, you’re always protecting yourself from the world, causing more and more negative thoughts which put you on extreme defensiveness and it builds up subconsciously year after year.
Then, you have a mass of negative thoughts protecting yourself from the world.
The opposite happens when you love the world. When you love the world, the world can’t hurt you, your thoughts get quiet, your mind gets peaceful and then the infinite self is right there and you experience tremendous joy.
You have taken your infinite beingness, your infinite joy, and you covered it over with thoughts, thoughts of limitation. These negative thoughts smother the infinite self that you are. They smother your capacity to enjoy.
All you need to do is quiet those thoughts, rid yourself of those thoughts and what’s left over is the infinite, glorious being that you are, absolutely perfect and can never change.
Love is the Answer
You are seeking love through your every act.
Every human being is seeking love through their every act. If you trace through all your behavior or the behavior of people, what are they looking for? They’re looking for love. That’s the ultimate. That’s the greatest of all progress, it’s love.
Our life is getting far too complex and it’s not progress because people are not happier today. And, I’d say it’s because of a lack of love.
Practicing love allows you affect every atom in the universe. You affect every person whether they realize it or not because you’re invoking the power that’s most powerful. It’s loving every person into a perfect being.
Love is the answer to all problems.
Whatever the problem is, if you just apply love to the fullest extent possible and succeed, that problem will drop immediately. Just don’t get aggravated. Just know that everything is fine, everything is
all right and just feel love and you’ll see the problem resolve itself, no matter how difficult a problem it is.
When there are problems, if you would love more they would disappear. When love is complete, any problem dissolves immediately.
The power and effect of love is obvious, just try it, apply it, and you will like it.
It’s a very powerful thing, this thing called love. Only by loving does love come to us. The more we love, the more love comes to us.
What Does Love Look Like In The Real World?
I remembered one evening, a beautiful balmy evening in the mountains when I was camping with my girlfriend.
We were both lying on the grass, both looking up at the sky, and I had my arm around her. The nirvana, the perfection of the height of happiness was right there. I was feeling how great is love for my girlfriend! How wonderful is knowing all this nature! How perfect a setting!
Then I saw that it was my loving her that was the cause of this happiness! Not the beauty of the setting or being with my girlfriend.
Then I immediately turned to the other side. Boy it was great when she loved me! I remembered the moment when publicly this beautiful, charming girl told the world that she approved of Lester, she loved Lester-and I could feel that nice feeling of approval.
But I sensed that it was not as great as what I had just discovered. It was not a lasting feeling. It was just for the moment. In order for me to have that feeling continuously, she had to continue saying that.
So, this momentary ego approval was not as great as the feeling of loving her! As long as I was loving her, I felt so happy. But when she loved me, there were only moments of happiness when she gave me approval.
Days of further cogitation gradually revealed to me that this was correct! I was happier when I loved her than I was when I got that momentary ego-satisfaction when she loved me. Her loving me was a momentary pleasure that needed constant showing and proving on her part, while my loving her was a constant happiness, as long as I was loving her.
I concluded that my happiness equated to my loving! If I could increase my loving, then I could increase my happiness! This was the first inkling I had as to what brings about happiness.
And it was a tremendous thing because I hadn’t had happiness.
And I said, “Gee, if this is the key to happiness, I’ve got the greatest!” Even the hope of getting more and more happiness was a tremendous thing, because this was the number one thing I wanted-happiness.
Example of How You Can Really Bring Love Into Your Life
That started me on weeks and weeks of reviewing my past love affairs.
I dug up from the past, incident after incident of when I thought I was loving, and I discovered that I was being nice to my girlfriends, trying to get them to love me, and that that was selfish.
That was not really love. That was just wanting my ego bolstered!
I kept reviewing incidents from the past, and where I saw that I was not loving, I would change that feeling to loving that person.
Instead of wanting them to do something for me, I would change it to my wanting to do something for them. I kept this up until I couldn’t find any more incidents to work on.
This insight on love, seeing that happiness was determined by my capacity to love, was a tremendous insight. It began to free me, and any bit of freedom when you’re plagued feels so good.
I knew that I was in the right direction. I had gotten hold of a link of the chain of happiness and was determined not to let go until I had the entire chain.
I felt a greater freedom. There was an easier concentration of my mind because of it. And I began to look better at my mind.
Think Of Your Mind Like A Bumper Car . . .
What is my mind? What is intelligence? Suddenly, a picture flashed of amusement park bumper-cars that are difficult to steer so that they continually bump into each other. They all get their electrical energy from the wire screen above the cars through a pole coming down to every car.
The power above was symbolic of the overall intelligence and energy of the universe coming down the pole to me and everyone else, and to the degree we step on the gas do we use it.
Each driver of the cars is taking the amount of energy and intelligence that he wants from that wire, but he steers his car blindly and bumps into other cars, and bumps and bumps.
I saw that if I chose to, I could take more and more of that over all intelligence.
And so I dug into that. I began to examine thinking and its relationship to what was happening. And it was revealed that everything that was happening had a prior thought behind it and that I never before related the thought and the happening because of the element of time between the two.
When I saw that everything that was happening to me had a thought of it before it happened, I realized that if I could grab hold of this, I could consciously determine everything that was happening to me!
And above all, I saw that I was responsible for everything that had happened to me, formerly thinking that the world was abusing me! I saw that my whole past life, and all that tremendous effort to make money and in the end, failing, was due only to my thinking!
Give Yourself The Tremendous Feeling Of Freedom
This was a tremendous piece of freedom, to think that I was not a victim of this world, that it lay within my power to arrange the world the way I wanted it to be, that rather than being an effect of it, I could now be at cause over it and arrange it the way I would like it to be!
That was a tremendous realization, a tremendous feeling of freedom!
Discovering that my happiness equated to my loving, discovering that my thinking was the cause of things happening to me in my life gave me more and more freedom.
Freedom from unconscious compulsions that I had to work, I had to make money, and I had to have girls. Freedom in the feeling that I was now able to determine my destiny, I was now able to control my world, I was now able to arrange my environment to suit me.
This new freedom lightened my internal burden so greatly that I felt that I had no need to do anything.
Plus, the new happiness I was experiencing was so great! I was experiencing a joy that I had never known existed. I had never dreamed happiness could be so great.
I determined “If this is so great; I’m not going to let go of it until I carry it all the way!” I had no idea how joyous a person could be.
So, I began digging further on how to extend this joy. I began further changing my attitudes on love. I would imagine the girl I wanted most marrying one of my friends, or the boy I would want her to marry least, and then enjoy their enjoying each other. To me, this was the extreme in loving, and if I could achieve it, it would give me more of this wonderful thing that I was experiencing.
And so I worked on it.
I took a particular fellow, Burl, and a particular girl, and I wouldn’t let go until I could really feel the joy of their enjoying each other. Then I knew I had it-or almost had it.
Then later on, I had further tests of this in talking to people who were opposing me no end when I was trying to help them. I would consciously feel the greatest love for them when they were attacking me. And the joy of loving them was so wonderful, I would, without any thought, thank them so profusely for having given me the opportunity of talking with them, that it threw them into a dither.
But I really felt that. I thanked them from the bottom of my heart for having given me the opportunity of loving them when they were making it as difficult as they possibly could. I didn’t express that to them. I just thanked them for the opportunity of having been able to talk with them.
END OF CHAPTER
So, whaddya think?
It’s different, eh. But I don’t feel it’s different just for different’s sake. I feel it’s different AND empowering. (For more insights along this line, you’ll definitely want to see this post here . . .)
If you’re a guy who’s struggling with feelings for a woman you’d like to be intimate with, I cannot recommend highly enough doing that exercise Lester went through with imagining this girl marrying the dude you’d want her to marry the least and their FULLY enjoying each other.
I did this recently. Wasn’t easy but I worked magic it’s magic on me. There was a woman I’d become attracted to and in true nerd fashion I flubbed it. Not bad enough to where the woman never wanted to hear from me again, but to the point where she wanted to stay friends.
Things were shaky with us for a while, until I went through this mental process.
After losing any kind of jealously I felt around the idea of any guy being with her besides me, and grew to love the idea of her being happy, the energy of the relationship changed, her vibes, my vibes, all merged to the point where I felt if I pursued it, we could be intimate with each other.
Never before had a 180 degree shift in my energy happened like this in my life. I’ve always been friendly towards my ex’s because I’m a nice guy, but in some instances I was smiling on the outside and crying on the inside. Now, I never have to feel this thanks to what I learned in this simple philosophy of this book.
Now that you know what love is, I wish for you to channel it in your life so you can experience love even in the face of the worst of situations.
Lewis LaLanne a.k.a. Note Taking Nerd #2 a.k.a. L.L. Cool Nerd
PS. If you’re on a quest for personal improvement, you’ll definitely want to see what we talked about on this topic with our private mastermind group here . . .