Use These Unique Personal Improvement Notes To See If You’re a Social Assassin In The Eyes of Your Clients, Colleagues, Friends, and Family

Hey You,

It’s Lewis a.k.a. Nerd#2.

One of my favorite sayings when it comes to dealing with our own bullshit self limiting games we play with ourselves is, “Your eye will never see itself. It can see a reflection of itself in the mirror but it will never be able to look at itself directly.”

The same goes with our  automatic tendencies, knee jerk justifications, and behaviors we exhibit everyday, every hour, every minute. We love to tell ourselves stories that present us in the best light.

But you know what? We’re all flawed and we all do stupid shit. Wanna know why? Because the people who raised us and showed us their way of the world had flaws and they did stupid shit too.

Now some people are more flawed and do more stupid shit than others but we’re all guilty of veering off the path of perfection at least once in a while.

This is why we all need a wise person in our lives, whether that be a coach, a friend, or a lover who can look at what we’re doing and from a loving place point out what’s happening in our behavioral blind spots that’s causing us to keep wrecking ourselves. 

I’ve come across a very interesting perspective that says not all criticism – constructive or not – isn’t created equally and shouldn’t be distributed in a same-size-fits-all-manner across the board. Why? Because depending on how we’re wired, we don’t all hear feedback and assimilate it the same way.

And if we hear it the wrong way, it’s like we didn’t even hear it all and the annoying behavior keeps making guest appearances in our lives unconsciously.

So what do you do?

We all know this on some level, especially if you have more than one child, but what I’m sharing with you today puts a spin on giving feedback that I believe you will find makes common sense.

It’s an excerpt from one of David Deida’s mega expensive relationship workshops where he’s charged with the immense task pointing out where people are blocking themselves from experiencing a fulfilling life.

Just in case you don’t know of David, I heard about him through Tony Robbins. Tony endorsed him in his “Get The Edge” course and then also gave David a quote to put on the cover of his book, “The Way of The Superior Man”. After this, I decided I’ve gotta check this guy out because I fully trust Tony and after I did, I came to find out that Tony uses some of David’s strategies on stage for helping people end their own personal self-sabotage.

And this excerpt below displays one of David’s strategies that Tony rolls out with his coaching clients and seminar participants with laser like precision . . .

The Masculine Way Of Receiving Truth

In the Q&A section of the seminar, a woman asked David this question . . .

Q: Several people have called me and had a really strong feeling so I want to take responsibility perhaps for having an answer.

Deida: People here in the circle?

Q: People here in the circle and people that we’re here Thursday night. So I’m curious as to how I can communicate something to them. It has to do with that man that you spoke to, the one you said, “How many women would want to vomit on him or fuck him,” or however you put it. People were furious.

Deida: Some people.

Q: Well, the people who spoke to me. They were furious and they felt afraid to raise their hand and to communicate and share what they had to share and I understand that we fear change and we want to back away from it but in terms of your point of view, what would you think that the best communication for me to give them would be so that I’m not just making it up but rather have an understanding of what was behind that?

Deida: What did the man I was addressing say to you?

Q: I did not speak to the man. And in fact I really didn’t agree that I wanted to vomit on him for being a wimp. I felt he was being vulnerable and he was sharing his feelings and he was coming from a space of openness and I heard that he had worked with you before. So I was disappointed in myself for not speaking up because usually I speak up when I have a point of view. I’m just wondering what the essence of that was?

Deida: Well you would have to ask him if he was served by the exercise.

Q: I think he was served by it.

Deida: Yeah, I do too. He seemed to really get it.

Q: Yeah, I definitely think he was served by it but I’m just wondering if there’s anything that I can express to them? I’ve had 10 phone calls.

Deida: Whatever you would need to express to them so you felt good. I was doing my best to serve him. That’s what came out. He seemed served. Were the four of you guys served by that exercise?

Group: Yes.

Deida: One thing that I know is that the masculine grows by challenge. The feminine grows by praise and support. So anyone who’s more identified with the feminine including men, are gonna have incredible trouble handling someone going, “You’re a worm. You’re full of shit. Do you get it?” But if they’re in their masculine they can go, “Whew! Got It! Thanks!”

Raise your hand if you know what I’m talking about men. If it’s truthful, the masculine thrives. And if it’s bullshit, they might say, “Hey, that’s bullshit!” But if the whole group is feeling it, it’s clearly not bullshit.

When a man get’s confronted with their limits they come alive. That’s why they do race car driving, financial risk, they love playing the edge of their limit. They love risking death – financial death or gain that’s the masculine way of growing – sitting in total silence without moving even with someone whacking you that’s the masculine bliss.

In the exercises today we’re gonna do a lot worse than what I did that guy.

If the feedback is true and the man has a good relationship to the masculine which depends on their relationship to their father and if they were abused by their father or if they received a gift of a great example from their father and all the psychology that goes with that, the right sort of truth, as long as you’re connected in love, for example, I not only feel that guy is equal to me but identical in our heart. It’s just that his shell is covering his heart. And so as long as a guy can feel that I’m sitting with him in identity and pointing out something true, when a man goes, “Wow, I’m full of shit, I see that! Cool!” Bam. Done. And they carry no residue.

Now you can be pretty sure that the ten people who called you, if they’re women, have trouble opening to be fucked to God and if they’re men they have trouble slicing to truth with other men.

Slicing to truth is sitting down man to man and saying, “Give it to me straight!” and the other guy says, “You’re full of shit!” and the other guy says, “Tell me how.” and the other guy says, “You’re full of shit this way.” and the other guy says, “Thank you, got it” and they’re best friends and they can kick back now and have a beer.

That’s how the masculine responds to accurate feedback. But men can be in their feminine too but did you see Oscar Dela Hoya boxing last night?

Did you see them hugging each other after? This guy just beat the crap out of him and his eye’s all bashed and the guy just had the tar beat out of him and he walks up to Oscar and hugs him. They had just been at their edge facing death a lot more violent than I was with that guy and yet the result is love. Respect. Honor. Love and that’s how the masculine expresses respect.

It’s like, “Let’s see how far we can go,” and yeah someone loses if it’s a game but you both go all the way and feel gratitude to each other at the end for being a worthy opponent. They can say I love you and have this be a masculine expression of love.

So what I did with that guy was an expression of masculine love. Now if people have trouble with that, specifically if people aren’t used to third stage masculine, well look at it like this . . .

The third stage masculine is like the samurai. They’re trained to kill in love. The American Indians tradition is to hunt and kill animals and to thank the animal for it’s spirit. They’re warriors, they have no trouble killing.

Now I probably wouldn’t cut it as a boxer or an American Indian but I can slice when necessary in these contexts. It was a gift that I offered him and I felt him receive it. It didn’t seem like he had any trouble but every single person in there who has trouble receiving masculine truth, third stage sharp and penetrative truth, man or woman, would feel bad.

What I would do is take all the people who called you, assemble their closest friends that they trust and give each friend one truth that they’ve been holding back from that person to say.

You just have them go, “I’ve always felt this and I’ve never said it” and let them feel that and see how they respond and let them practice receiving truth in the direct masculine way.

The Feminine Way of Receiving Truth

There are feminine ways of receiving truth too. With the woman in brown I shouted and scared her and she opened. That was as much of a transmission of truth in the feminine style as it was in the masculine because the feminine doesn’t want to hear the truth. The feminine wants to feel love.

The truth is irrelevant for the feminine. I’m talking about truth with a capital T. For example, very few women have orgasms from reading Nietzsche or something like that.

But there are men who can read philosophy or a spiritual text and get more ecstatic about the truth they’re reading than they’ve ever been sexually.

Do you know what I’m talking about guys?

Because the masculine grows by truth. Light bulb turning on. The feminine grows by receiving love. So everyone who’s waiting for love and hears what I did with that guy is gonna have the response of, “I’m scared of daddy! I’m scared of the masculine! I’m scared of the truth.”

There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s just where they happen to be at the moment and it might not be the same tomorrow.


Are You A Social Assassin?

There’s a comedy show that’s been on HBO for eight years now called Curb Your Enthusiasm starring and written by Larry David.

In the most recent season, Larry’s best friend calls him a Social Assassin because he’s willing to say whatever he’s feeling and call out annoying behavior when no one else will with the goal of ending it.

Well, what is perceived as annoying to others is treasured by the person doing the behavior otherwise they wouldn’t be indulging in it and by coming at it the wrong way, you’re gonna have people rigorously defending their behavior and that’s exactly what keeps happening on this show – Larry calls something out the one way he knows how to (always the wrong way) and a HUGE fight erupts.

What you discovered here today will help you avoid being a social assassin and if there’s one resource I would direct you to right now whether you have a dominant masculine or feminine essence, it would be David Deida’s book, Blue Truth, which shows you how to expertly navigate the tangle of anger, jealousy, fear, and lust.

Getting to the truth with your clients/co-workers/loved ones is so critical. Addressing their challenges in either the masculine or feminine way that allows them to thrive is so critical if you want them to not only hear you but to actually transform their life for the better as a result of taking your advice, which if you’ve had someone listen to and take your advice and run with it and experience incredible results, you know this is the one of the best feelings on the planet.

Go get David’s book if you want to go even deeper into this topic.  

Talk soon,

Lewis LaLanne a.k.a. Note Taking Nerd #2 a.k.a. L.L. Cool Nerd

PS. And if you want some ninja advice on the exact advice to give to business owners on how to grow their business, you definitely want to get these notes on Dan Kennedy’s Advanced Coaching and Consulting seminar by clicking here now <—–