Personal improvement insights from Eben Pagan’s Advanced Learning and Teaching Seminar

personal-improvement-eben-pagan-advanced-learning-and-teaching-seminar

Get ready to experience this level of joy

It’s Lewis a.k.a. Nerd #2.

On Monday, we talked about how the way you’ve been learning your whole life is wrong in this post here.

And today, I want to tell you about something you’ve never learned to master even though it’s the most important thing you could ever learn to master.

Most people think their head is the most important part of their body. It is important, but our heart is majorly important as well.

The ancient Egyptians used to value the heart more than the brain believing that’s where all of thoughts came from which is why when someone died, they would preserve the heart and throw the brain in the garbage. Primitive idiots, right? Nope.

As a science journalist, Daniel Goleman reported on the brain and behavioral sciences for The New York Times for many years and what he revealed was that the Egyptians were onto something.

His 1995 book, “Emotional Intelligence” was on The New York Times bestseller list for a year-and-a-half, with more than 5,000,000 copies in print worldwide in 40 languages, and has been a best seller in many countries.

The research conducted for this book found that emotional IQ was more important to your success than your mental IQ was. 

The only problem is that no one taught you about this when you were growing up and in Daniel’s books he tells you what to do, but not how to do it. Today you’ll finally see how to learn the most important skill you need but first let’s answer the question of . . . 

What Is Emotional Intelligence?

Daniel Goleman four things:

1. You’ve got to be aware of your personal emotional state

2. You’ve got to be in charge of your emotions

3. You’ve got to be able to feel into and tell what emotional state your audience is in

4. You’ve got to be able to direct the emotions of your audience

This is why training people coming purely from your head only allows them to absorb things on an intellectual level – think school classrooms here.

And the polar opposite is affecting people’s heart which moves them emotionally but emotions wear off – think of the motivational speaker here.

When you present with the intellect and the emotions you move people to action and send them on their way with both the motivation and the tools to make something happen.

What Is An Emotion?

Most people can’t define what an emotion is. If you have them and you want to manipulate them, you want to know what the hell they are.

Emotions are felt in our body so emotions are a matrix of sensations in your body to which you attach a label to.

Your face and our tone of voice are two of the major ways we express our emotions.

Our ability to make distinctions about, and to define our emotions is highly limited by our never having delved deep into this part of ourselves.

Next, Wyatt asks the audience, “How many people feel they can control their emotions SOME of the time?” and then, “How many of you think you can control your emotions ALL of the time?”

Most people said they could control their emotions some of the time. Only a few said they could control them all the time.

Society would have you be a victim to emotions, “They just happen!” and feel that you can’t do anything about them like the weather, and like the weather, you just gotta wait out the stormy bad ones and hope you get some of the sunny ones.

Think about this, a woman can walk into your home and find your husband having an orgy with 3 women he works with and if you get angry and shoot him in a fit of rage, that’s bad.

But if you walk up to the house, look in the window, see the scene playing out, go to your friends house and borrow a gun and then come back and shoot him, that’s worse because it’s considered pre-mediated murder.

So society has rationalized that if you just let your emotions completely overwhelm you, it’s not good . . . but we understand. But if you team your emotions with some logic then you’re a murdering bastard who should be murdered. W.T.F.?

Chris Rock talking about O.J. Simpson in this clip perfectly sums up society’s feelings about this topic . . .

You want an example of more idiocy on this topic of emotions? You do? Okay, look at the label they place on someone who controls their emotions and doesn’t cave in like a wet cardboard box when a surprise they don’t like arrives – INSENSITIVE.

Society would have you believe that people who control their emotions are unfeeling monsters or robots. What a bunch of horse shit.

The Two Categories Of Emotions

Positive and Negative are the two baskets most people focus on when they think of emotions.

Positive emotions could be love, joy, peace, happiness, enthusiasm, etc.

Negative emotions could be fear, anger, anxiety, depression, apathy, etc.

Wyatt classifies positive emotions as the emotions that give us energy and negative emotions are the ones that drain us of energy. So he thinks not in terms of “good” and “bad” but rather in terms of what charges us and what drains us.

The Secret No One Wants You To Know About Emotions

Emotions can be turned on and off just the same as a lamp can be turned on and off.

Most people want two switches – one that turns the positive emotions on and one where they can turn the negative ones off. It doesn’t work that way. You get one switch – positive and negative on or nothing.

When you’re “In” your emotions letting them wash over you, the psychological term for this is that you’re “associated”. When you turn the switch off, you’re “dissociated”.

People who have a pattern of being associated spend most of their life on an emotional roller coaster going up on the good feelings, down on the bad ones.

People who have a pattern of being dissociated, push emotions away and go on robot mode.

Which is optimal?

It depends on the situation.

You want to be associated when you’re having sex, expressing love to your kids, eating at a world class restaurant, etc.

A good time to be dissociated would be when you’re experiencing pain that you can’t control, when a heavy negative emotions bubbles up, etc.

But most people have habitual patterns were they’re balls to wall associated or zoning out not experiencing emotions at all and they go through their whole life on repeat.

You want to evolve to a place where you have choice with and control over with your emotions.

The first step to emotional maturity is taking control of the steering wheel that is your emotions. Take control of your emotions.

Where Do Emotions Come From?

1) Images in our mind (more often than not, unconsciously generated)

When some researchers studied “Jealousy” they found that people give them a lot of BS saying they didn’t know where they feelings came from – it was like they just magically appeared all of a sudden.

What they came to find is that people that experience jealousy, for example in a marital experience, are making pictures of their spouse having hot, sweaty, passionate sex with their 18 year old baby sitter on the kitchen table.

Positive or negative emotions come from seeing, hearing, and feeling pictures in our mind.

So it makes common sense then knowing this, that if you want to have a positive emotion, you want to tap into a positive experience you’ve had.

2) The way we talk to ourselves – Tonality primarily

The surefire way to get angry is to talk to yourself in the tone of voice you do when you are angry. Same thing goes for happy, same thing goes for depression, same thing goes with enthusiasm.

3) What we’re feeling in our body Optimized Eyeore_3

We do depression.

Depression doesn’t just magically appear. To “do” depression you have to be like Eyeore, the donkey on Winnie The Pooh.

You’ve got to slump your shoulders forward which moves your head forward, talk all meek, solemn, and slow. And you’ve got to move slow or not at all.

If you pull your shoulders back which forces your head back above your spine and look up, it’s very hard to feel depressed in that physiology. You could think of this as body talk.

Most emotions have physiologies and tonalities connected to them and pictures connected to them. This means that one of the fastest ways to change your emotions is to change the tone of voice you’re talking to yourself and to change what you’re doing with your body.

You can change the pictures you see in your mind. You can change the tone of voice you’re using in your mind. You can change the way your body feels. This means you’re not a victim of your environment. You’re either ignorant (you can never plead this after today) or neglectful.

There are cultures all over the planet whose tradition is to allow themselves to experience an emotion for a set period of time, and then to let go of it. Our culture here in America doesn’t put a limit on it which is why if you do this, the people who are attached to their emotions see you as an insensitive clod.

The first step you want to take when doing this is acknowledging where the emotion is coming from to make sure you end the cycle of delusion of believing they show up out of thin air.

So you realize that by changing your pictures, changing your internal tonality and changing your physiology, you can change your emotions.

Some primitive cultures aren’t so primitive when it comes to this business of emotions. They thrive on Contextual Markers – what time is appropriate to feel an emotion and when you need to leave it behind. Death and mourning are good examples of this. Somehow, some way our society decided that 3 days of mourning and then burying the body and being done with the grief was something that got in the way of you feeling sorry for yourself .

More Ways You Can Control Your Emotions

There’s two things you want to do with emotions; suppress negative ones and express the positive ones.

Muscle tension is a way to hold onto negative emotions. An example of this is when you see someone in the defensive posture of having their arms crossed over their chest. If you want to get someone out of this state of mind, you want to slowly work to get them to an open position where their heart is opened up and they can start feeling different emotions.

How To Handle Negative Emotions

Emotions are connected to time.

Some are tied to the past – guilt and grief being two examples of this.

Boredom is an emotion that is tied to the present.

Fear and anxiety are an example of two emotions connected to the future.

When you understand this, you can be open to the idea of taking yourself to a place in your mind where you don’t experience that emotion.

TIME LINE EXERCISE:

First, wherever you are, take your hand and point to whichever direction is the past for you. Next, point to the future. For the majority of people the past is in back of them and the future in front of them. If yours goes right-left instead of forwards-backwards, no big deal.

A timeline is a before and after relationship of all the events in your life. Think of this as a filing system for your brain for what you’ve experienced. So on a line, one way stretches out to the past, one way stretches to the future.

Now take an experience from your past that you either feel guilt or grief about. So stop now and float above your timeline in your imagination and experience how good it feels to look down on your time line going off into the past and into the future.

If you wish to, place a marker on your timeline signifying now so that you can easily find your way back. Now fly back to the past to a point before the event happened that you feel guilt or grief about. And notice what you’re feeling now.

Yes, that’s right, the guilt and the grief disappear. Now, float back to now above your timeline.

From this place think about something that’s off in the future that you’ve got some fear and anxiety about – something you’re scared will occur. And once again, float above your timeline taking the time to notice how good it feels to look down on it all. Float out into the future to a point after that event has happened – it’s done, it’s history, it’s over – and look back from this place and notice how your fear and anxiety is gone.

Now float back above your timeline and back to now to the room you’re in feeling better than you did before. If you rushed this, you may want to go back through it and take more time with it to get the full experience.

So you see now that if you’re feeling an emotion that you don’t want to, you can float to a place on your time line where you no longer feel that emotion and teaches your body that you’re in control of your emotions.

Two things Wyatt has noticed throughout his decades of studying people’s behavior is that:

1) People love bashing their head against the wall and it doesn’t matter how painful it is to do so and…

2) People are addicted to suffering and they will fight you to keep a hold of it.

Human beings are amazing yet they use their super powers to find ways to keep themselves feeling horrible and you as well if you’re in their reach.

Wyatt has even encountered one woman who used this time line exercise to make herself to feel grief about something that hasn’t already happened. Ingenious. If you let it, your brain will figure out ways to make you miserable.

How To Turn The Emotion Switch To “Off”

So you figured out where the past and the future are on your personal timeline.

And next, point to where “Now” is. For most people “Now” is one of two places – it’s either somewhere inside of you or somewhere arm’s length in front of you.

If “Now” is somewhere in front of you, you’re experiencing life in a disassociated manner. The emotions are outside of you so don’t have to feel and deal with them. If “Now” is inside of you, you are experiencing your emotions and you’re in your heart.

Stand up.

Move to somewhere where you’ve got space to move forward and backwards a few steps in each direction.

Now think of something you’ve got some charged emotions about – anxiety perhaps. Get inside of this emotion by seeing the pictures, using the tone of voice and getting your body in the posture that allows you to access it.

If “Now” is in front of you, get in touch with the emotion and step forward into “Now” so that “Now” is now inside of you and surrounding you. Notice what happens to your internal conversation. Notice what happens to the emotion you’re experiencing. Now step back and put it out in front of you once again. Now get in touch with your charged emotion and then once again forward into “Now” so that “Now” is inside and surrounding you. Pay close attention to what happens to your internal experience including your internal dialogue. And to get contrast once again, step back and push “Now” out in front of you.

If “Now” is normally inside of you want to step inside of a charged emotion you’ve got like fear and leaving “Now” where it is, step back so that “Now” is at arm’s length in front of your body. Notice what happens to internal experience. Notice what you feel. Notice what happens to this emotion you’ve got some charge about. And then step back into “Now” the way you normally are. Now again, get in touch with this emotion that generates strong sensations in your body and then leaving “Now” where it is, step back so that “Now” is at arm’s length in front of you. Notice what happens to your internal dialogue and then step back to where you were you normally are.

Now again get in touch with an emotion that floods your body with sensations. If “Now” is at arm’s length in front of you or inside of you, step back five or six steps getting “Now” way out in front of you. Notice now what happens to your internal dialogue, the sensations and then step back to where you normally are with “Now” being at arm’s length in front of you or inside of you. Now for contrast’s sake, get in touch with that emotions that floods your body with sensations and then leave “Now” where it is and step back five or six steps so that it’s now waaay out in front of you. Tune into your internal dialogue and what you’re feeling and take note of what changes you’re experiencing. And then step back to where “Now” is where it is normally.

Take your time with all these processes.

For a lot of people who experience “Now” inside of their body, when they step back it feels like they disconnected their plug from the wall socket. All the power went out of the emotion. And it’s not “Home” so people kinda freak out and wanna get back to “Home”.

For the people who experience “Now” as being in front of them, when they step into the power, their natural reaction is to want to step back to “Home” because they’re now enveloped in emotions and they feel out of control.

And when “Now” gets pushed waaay out in front of you, this tends to decrease the emotions to the point where they’re non-existent. This is magnifying disassociation which allows you to see the big picture of the process at hand rather than being 6 feet under it submerged in emotion.

Times You Want To Turn Emotions “On”

So it’s simple. If you want to be associated – immersed in a pleasurable emotion like ecstasy – you step into the emotion. If you want to move away from it, you step back away from it.

This is you taking conscious control of something that’s been an unconscious process, probably not working in your favor.

Most people emotions are liken to the person you know who has the dog that’s completely out of control, in charge of the owner, rather than the owner being in charge of it. Your goal here is to have the choice of how and when your emotions affect you.

Wyatt recommends that if you’re training, that this is a time when you want the switch turned “On”.

At the far end of spectrum of someone who does this at the highest level, think of Tony Robbins. When he’s on stage giving you intellectual insights and taking you through action steps, he’s pure emotion and energy. And Stephen Hawking is at the polar opposite end of the spectrum merely distributing genius in a passionless, robotronic monotone voice.

Stephen Hawking doesn’t have a choice to turn on or off whereas most of society does and yet they make the choice to present as if they were a voiceless quadriplegic. They let fear confine them to their little podium talking at the audience rather than with the audience charged full of love and light like a Tony Robbins.

If you’re associated people can connect to you with not only their heads but also with their hearts and that’s where magic happens.

It’s very easy for your audience to tell whether you’re associated and living inside of your head or not based on how in touch with your body you are – The scale ranges from Stephen Hawking at the low end to Tony Robbins at the high end.

Being Able To Express Positive Emotions

A lot of people are better at moving away from negative emotions than they are at expressing positive emotions.

Love, peace, joy, happiness, pride, enthusiasm, all of these things are experienced in the NOW. Where things get screwed up is when we only let these emotions come to us based on things that happen outside of our control. But the emotions are in us, not outside of us and the most important lesson to pick up here is that emotions are your choice to experience or not.

When we behave as victims we only allow ourselves to experience awesome emotions when the certain things happen outside of us.

We can only experience love, peace, pride, joy, happiness, and enthusiasm in the now but we sabotage this by putting them into a time frame where we can never experience them.

This is what causes people to fall under the spell of, “Someday I’ll be happy, someday I’ll fall in love, someday I’ll have peace in my life, someday I’ll feel secure, someday I’ll feel pride, and we go through our whole life pushing these emotions away from us to a place we’ll never reach beyond you because you can’t experience these feelings in the future, you can only experience them in the now.

“No one ever becomes happy; you’ve just got to remember to be happy.”

This means that if you want to be happy, remember to be happy. This is the opposite of what the majority chooses to do. They instead remember their shitty memories and voila, they feel horrible and defeated and depressed most of the time.

REMEMBER TO BE HAPPY. REMEMBER TO FEEL LOVE. REMEMBER TO FEEL PEACEFUL. REMEMBER TO FEEL SECURE. REMEMBER TO FEEL PRIDE.

“Be Here Now”

If you’re not here now, where the hell are you?

This quote above has been popularized by Ram Dass and it isn’t focused on your physical presence. It’s focused on your attention. There’s three places you can be: Drifting in the past in memories, you’re out ahead anticipating what’s gonna show up in the future fantasizing about some world you’re dreaming up, or your presence and focus is here now.

So you want to remember to be here and be happy, now. No more basing your happiness on what happens outside of yourself. It’s time to be emotionally intelligent and not only take responsibility for repressing negative emotions but also for expressing positive emotions.

Expressing Love

Most people operate under the delusion that love is dependent on the object/person/animal in question and that in turn creates love in us rather than love being inside of us already, being what we are at essence, and directing it outward.

“Love your enemies. Love those who persecute you.” Poorly quoted version of what Jesus preached. 

You can do this if you’re living in a victim reality. But if you own that love is you, inside you, and you can share it however you want, with whoever you want then you can do as Jesus recommends. When you’re dependent on other people to make you happy, this makes no sense at all to you.

The Meditation Practice of A Guru

Swami Rhama, the late Himalayan guru, has a meditation practice and the first step of it is to sit in a comfortable position with your head, neck and chest straight.

Second, apply Sushumna; joyous mind.

Third, begin to breathe slowly, rhythmically, and diaphragmatically.

Fourth, allow your mantra to arise in your mind.

Most people don’t get anything out of mediation and think it’s boring. When Wyatt gives people these four simple steps, he finds that most people skip the “Joyous Mind” step because it doesn’t make sense to them and this explains to Wyatt why most people don’t reap the benefits of meditation.

It was Swami Rhama’s belief that it’d be stupid to meditate in any state other than a joyous one.

Westerners think meditation produces ecstasy. Nope. You generate the ecstasy from within and then you meditate.

To experience enlightenment you’ve got to be able to choose to love, choose to be happy, choose joy and do this moment by moment by moment – not some day when you’re not fat anymore or when you get your breast implants.

Intellect Rides Shotgun and Emotion Leads The Way

When you teach you can put your consciousness on different parts of your body.

Most people put their consciousness on their head or your heart or your chi point right by the fun zone between your legs or any of the chakras. When you’re teaching Wyatt believes it’s best to have a little of your consciousness flowing simultaneously in your head, your heart and your fun zone chakra so that you’re coming from your head, your heart and your body.

If you’re gonna teach, come from love. Feel and experience your heart and your emotions and if you do that you’ll be far more effective as a teacher.

Wyatt has found that in the years he’s been teaching practitioners in the art of Neuro Linguistic Programming, he usually has two types of students.

One type is amazing at applying what they learn in a text book fashion but somehow the people they work with feel like they “had something done TO them”.

And the other type of students aren’t text book proficient. They bumble along and their technique is far from exact. And yet they produced amazing results for the people they worked with.

And as a modeler, Wyatt is consistently asking himself, “What’s the difference that makes the difference?”

What he found was that the brilliant tacticians were only concerned with getting results only so far as they could be “right” and look good in the eyes of others i.e. helping themselves.

And the bunglers who created amazing results were coming from a place of unconditional positive acceptance – i.e. love. The bunglers loved the idea of helping people so much that this overcame the power of the technique not being “perfectly” applied.

So whether you’re working with others or working with this material with yourself, you want to come from the place of unconditional positive acceptance of the person you’re working with. Love starts within. Work on that. When you’re overflowing with love, you’ll find you can an amazingly helpful teacher.

“I HAVE THE POWERRR!!!”

He – Man

Up until now, you had an excuse for letting yourself get pushed around by your emotions because nobody showed you how to handle them. You don’t have this excuse anymore.

Now you can take responsibility for and control over your emotions – expressing happy emotions rather than just repressing negative ones.

It’s time for you to start taking action using what you learned here.

You now realize that if you’re not happy now, it’s YOUR problem.

And of course, you have the choice to do whatever you want. You can be miserable now or be happy now but you now realize that you have a choice to do so and you don’t have to feel any way that you don’t want to.

This is the most important learning you could ever have is that of learning to take control of your emotions.

Daniel Goleman’s massive accumulation of research proves that people who succeed in life at every level do so because of their emotional intelligence – not their IQ.

Happy and helpful people get ahead in life and it’s actually more likely that if you have a higher IQ, you’ll be more dissociated and be the miserable suffering, abrasive bastard who’s hard to get along with.

So use what you discovered here today to be in the now, remember to be in the now and realize that you’re kinda like He-Man – The Strongest Man In The Universe, and that your emotional intelligence serves as your magical sword that allows you to be able to into beast mode and boldly claim, “I HAVE THE POWERRR!!!” . . . 

Talk soon,

Lewis LaLanne a.k.a. Note Taking Nerd #2 a.k.a. L.L. Cool Nerd

PS. If you dig these insights from Eben Pagan’s Advanced Learning and Teaching seminar, you’ll definitely want to put your hands all over these personal improvement notes from his Wake Up Productive 2.0 course here <—–

Advertisements