It’s Lewis a.k.a. Nerd #2.
I must really like you.
I’ve spent no less than twelve hours on a detailed note taking session in order to reveal to these notes.
The program I dove into was Tony Robbins’ “Creating Lasting Change” product which, by the way, is my favorite out of any of his other audio programs.
Now you and I are gonna learn directly from a man who’s internationally respected for his ability to influence.
And to start this off, here’s a question to ponder . . .
“How can you ever win a game when you don’t know the goal of the game?”
Can’t be done.
If you don’t have any idea of what the purpose of the game is there’s no real way to win so if you’re alive a.k.a. playing, this means you’re winging it, doing what you think you should be doing, failing time and time again in one or more areas of your life and this can be completely frustrating.
So what people do when they don’t know the rules of the game is they distract/numb themselves with drugs, alcohol, food, TV, Facebook, something that takes them away from focusing on the fact that they have no sense of meaning in their life.
You can’t have a sense of meaning without knowing what the purpose of life is – what the goal is.
You are about to find out precisely what the specific goal is for you . . .
The way you’ll go about achieving your goal is completely unique to you.
This goal is the holy grail of what will give you a sense of meaning, certainty, variety, excitement, passion and all the other awesome feelings you want to experience more of. Whether you pursue this or not is up to you.
This session in this course is about vehicle analysis – the process of analyzing what ways a person is meeting their six human needs and the empowering, disempowering and neutral ways of meeting these needs.
This is about helping people see what vehicle they’re riding in and if they want to, jump into the vehicle that will get them the results that tickle them pink.
Knowing what you’re about to discover puts you in a position that 99.99% of the population isn’t.
The majority of people have zero clue of what the purpose of the game is.
And it’s no surprise that this leads to high numbers of people who are broke physically, mentally, financially, and spiritually.
From now on you’ll be able to figure out your own way to meet this purpose – the series of ultimate outcomes that allows you to win your game.
There are six categories to score in.
Once you score high in all six categories consistently, you will feel whole and fulfilled. There’s a million ways to score and you get to write your own rules.
But in order to win the game the rules you create, in the long term, must cause you to grow and contribute – to do things that not only feel great, but are good for you, good for others, and serves the greater good. When you’re rules allow for this, you win the game.
So the rules need to feel good in the long term (fuck the short term – frequently eating ice cream feels good in the short term but leads to long term pain). Most importantly, you want rules that are good for you, good for others and that serve the greater good.
There Are Six Needs That Are Unique To All Humans
They’re not desires, they’re not based on cultural and family programming/brain washing. These six needs need to be met by every human being on Earth in order to experience the feeling called fulfillment.
One way to think of the activities we indulge in to meet our needs is to see them as vehicles.
There are tons of vehicles we can use to attempt to meet our needs. Some of your vehicles are downright destructive. Some are neutral. Some are empowering.
The goal in life is not just meet your needs, but to meet your needs in a way that empowers you and everyone around you.
This is how you become a valuable person not only in your own eyes but in the eyes of others as well.
The Four Classes Of Human Experiences
There are four kinds of experiences that can lead you to meeting your needs.
Depending on which one you choose, the vehicle you hitch your wagon to, determines whether you’re fulfilled in the long term or not.
Tony talks about having an experience where he was running and was feeling total ecstasy while doing so. It wasn’t always like this for him when his back was all jacked up. He used to hate running.
He thought to himself, “This feels good! And you know what, it also is good for me. Lots of things feel good but aren’t good for me. You know what else? It’s also good for others because when I have this ritual of running in my life I can deliver my message to people at a whole different level than if I’m being all fat, lazy and greasy. And it also serves the greater good. What would I call this? A Class 1 experience.”
Class 1 Experiences
There’s four ways of knowing you’re having a Class 1 experience…
1. It feels good
2. It is good for you
3. It’s good for others
4. It serves the greater good
In the case of running, if you become the strong and vital version of yourself you affect your world from a better place because of how much more potent your energy is and because you’ve relieved your body of stress with exercise. And if you impact these people in a positive way, they’ll carry it forward and impact others so it affects the greater good. Think of this in terms of the stone hitting the water and ripple effect that happens after.
Class 2 Experiences
There are also four ways to know if you’re having a Class 2 experience . . .
1. It does NOT feel good
2. It IS good for you
3. It’s good for others in your life
4. It serves the greater good
Running for Tony used to be a Class 2 experience – It didn’t feel good but it was good for him, it was good for others and it served the greater good.
The Secret To Having a Life of Fulfillment: Turning Class 2 experiences into Class 1 experiences
There’s very little growth in only doing Class 1 experiences. And because of this, you want to constantly be seeking out Class 2 experiences because growth lies in doing things when it doesn’t feel good but you get yourself to take action anyways because it truly is good for you, for others and it serves the greater good. This is the ultimate gift in life – becoming more.
And there’s an easy way to take Class 2 experiences to Class 1 that you’ll see here soon.
So the lesson here is that the path to fulfillment is through Class 1 and Class 2 experiences.
Class 3 Experiences
There are four ways to verify if you’re indulging in a Class 3 experience . . .
1. It feels good
2. It is NOT good for you
3. It is NOT good for others
4. It does NOT serve the greater good
Class 3 experiences are what the majority of people lives are ruled by which leads to them feeling unfulfilled.
Why would you do something that feels good but isn’t good for you, isn’t good for others, and doesn’t serve the greater good? Because Class 3 experiences usually offer instant gratification – they feel good NOW.
Overeating a shit ton of junk food is a Class 3 experience. Smoking is a Class 3 experience. Drinking vodka to the point of blacking out and/or puking is a Class 3 experience.
Class 3 experiences will ruin the quality your life. Now to put an end to your self-sabotage you don’t merely want to stop retreating to Class 3 experiences.
Instead you want to replace them with something that’s more fulfilling.
Class 4 Experiences
There are four ways to tell if you’re indulging in a Class 4 experience . . .
1. It does NOT feel good
2. It is NOT good for you
3. It is NOT good for others
4. It does NOT serve the greater good
Why in the hell would you do something that doesn’t feel good, isn’t good for you, isn’t good for others and doesn’t serve the greater good?
Because it’s a behavior that has cemented itself into your life as a habit and you practice it for the mere fact that it gives you certainty.
Even if the feeling you’re getting sucks, at you least you know how to deal with that shitty feeling. You’re meeting your core needs at a very low level when you retreat to Class 4 experiences.
What class of experience would labeling yourself a pussy be and just accepting it be?
Class 4. It doesn’t feel good to down yourself, it’s not good for you, it’s not good for anyone in your life, and it sure in the hell doesn’t serve the greater good. But in some weird way it lets you experience some low level of satisfaction.
Now what would you call engaging in a process and practices that make the belief, “It doesn’t matter what happens, you’ll find a way to overcome your challenges because you’re guided in some way and the idea that everything serves you – all news is good news”?
If this belief is rock solid within you, you can feel certain as often as you want when you let it overwhelm any other contrary beliefs. This would be a Class 1 experience you could feel all the time.
How Does This Affect Your Relationships?
One time a woman stepped up in a seminar and asked Tony, “Why are all men such BASTARDS?!?”
He said, “Well, what do you mean by that?”
She said, “You know, they’re just BASTARDS! The men that are really nice for example, they’re really nice and you really like them but then they’re so DAMN boring that pretty soon you have to leave them! And then you find the exciting man, ooohhh they’re amazing. You never know what they’re gonna do next. But that’s the problem, they’re BASTARDS you REALLY never know what they’re gonna do next! So then you get sick of them so you go back to the nice guys and then you get bored again and then you go back to the exciting ones. Men make me CRAZY! They’re just BASTARDS!”
This woman’s problem is that she’s trying to meet one need or the other through a relationship. She’s either trying to get certainty or she’s trying to get the variety from it.
What happens though is that with a relationship, we like to pursue what we feel we don’t have at the expense of having what we do have and this leads us into Class 3 experiences.
A Class 3 way of getting your need for variety (something that changes your state of mind) need met would be drugs.
Pretty much any drug (cocaine, heroin, meth, weed, acid, PCP, shrooms, pills, ecstasy, etc.) on the planet is GUARANTEED to change your mind and physiology pretty much INSTANTLY.
If your body was stressed out and you take a couple of bong hits, your nerves are immediately relaxed. If you feel tired and you smoke some meth, immediately you’re ready to tear some shit up. You eat some ecstasy and you normally feel all shy and inhibited but when it kicks in you immediately love everybody and want to hug and rub on them. And some people relate this to being a way to connect with god immediately.
Now if you don’t do drugs, you classify them as a Class 4 experience. But if you like getting FUCKED UP you label it as a Class 3 experience – it feels fucking amazing but it’s not good for you, not good for others, and it doesn’t serve the greater good.
And in reality it’s a Class 4 experience because it doesn’t feel good in the long term if you end up being some degenerate piece of shit dependent on dope, seeking your next high to the exclusion of anything but what will facilitate that outcome.
Class 3 and 4 experiences give people both variety and certainty that they can feel however they like feeling – up or down.
Drugs are vehicle that allow you to meet these needs simultaneously at balls to the wall levels and this leads people to having an addiction.
An addiction is really any vehicle that you believe fulfills one or more of your needs at a high level.
And Class 3 and 4 experiences can both facilitate these needs being met but they do so at the expense of your quality of life over the long haul.
Now Let’s Look At Sex In Relationships For a Second Here . . .
You find someone you like, you get together with them, but for the majority of people what happens is that the sex gets so damn predictable – the lights off, in the bedroom, missionary position only effect.
You know how your partner’s going to do it, when they’re going to do it, where they’re going to do it.
So you now have certainty but you’re bored out of your mind. The need for certainty is maxed the fuck out. This results in the need for variety being depleted and so in order to get this fulfilled you cheat or get your needs met at a lower level with some freak nasty porn (video with dudes – erotica books with women) that explores everything you want that you’re too afraid to ask for.
Look at a guy cheating on his woman.
If he’s got needs she doesn’t take care of, why hasn’t he left her? Because even though she’s not perfect in his eyes, she brings a high level of certainty in his life – certainty about his identity, certainty about her being there for him or . . . certain that leaving her would be painful.
So what is appealing about the woman he sees in secret?
She provides a different energy – maybe it’s a slutty, naughty girl energy combined with an energy of worship, and this gives him contradictory vehicles to meet his needs.
Another pattern you see is the person who’s been married 3, 4, 5 times who’s got this same issue with getting their desires met.
How Does This Pattern Show Up In Your Business?
If you aren’t constantly pursuing projects that stimulate variety and you haven’t got previous projects chugging along that bring in enough money to give you certainty, you’ll get bored or you’ll be out of business and be looking for the next opportunity to satisfy these needs.
Are there Class 1 and Class 2 ways to meet these needs simultaneously? Yes.
What can you do to give yourself surprises and variety and anticipation in your life?
Destructive ways you can do this are drugs, alcohol, and one most people wouldn’t think of here, food. Food gives you both certainty and variety in spades. Food gives you the ability to meet your need for certainty and variety INSTANTLY while expending the bare minimum amount of effort mentally or physically. And this vehicle is EASILY ATTAINABLE because it’s everywhere and PAINLESS to use unlike taking the risk to both buy and use drugs.
It’s no wonder more people use the food drug more than they do the illegal ones.
Another destructive way to meet this need is to pick a fight. If your relationship is going too well, too predictable, you can start a fight to kick start the energy and get it flowing. Now you’ve got drama which fully fuels the feminine woman’s core saga they play out here which is, “He loves me, he loves me not,” and they get to test the masculine to see if it’s strong enough to meet them, not cower away, and love them through their stormy bitchiness.
What Are Positive Ways To Meet These Needs?
Take on a new challenge, learn something new, grow into a new level of understanding something in life by changing some behavior of yours.
A stimulating conversation can meet these needs.
Putting yourself in environments where you’re out of your comfort zone but in the company of joyful and smart people who are open to the idea of growth and contribution – like a Tony Robbins seminar can be another way.
You can get your variety rocks off from all the new distinctions you’re making and the people you’re meeting as well as some new found certainty that you can now take control of certain areas of your life where before you were just on auto-pilot letting the programming you got when you were 5 years old steer the ship.
One thing to keep in mind when dealing with human behavior is that everything we do, we do for a reason and the reason is to meet one or more of our needs.
What Are Vehicles We Can Use For Meeting Our need for Significance?
Here’s some Class 3 and Class 4 ways to do so . . .
Getting in a fist fight is one way. I have a very near and dear friend who went through a phase as a young adult where he was in jail pretty much every week because he got his sense of significance by knocking multiple people out on the street.
He didn’t get caught on every one but he was beating people down so often that the odds were stacked against him and at least once a week the cops would haul him in. He was very lucky that this was a long time ago when aggravated assault charges weren’t taken seriously.
Tony brings up the fact that when an activity meets three or more of our needs at levels of either 9 or 10 . . . they classify as an addiction.
Think about this . . . my friend was supremely certain that he could lay out 95% of people who challenged him with one punch. So that met his need for certainty at a 9 or a 10.
Next, when you called on a stranger, you never knew what you were stepping into – hell you could be walking into the guy who was tougher than you, you could have a guy pull a gun, you could have people jump you, or any number of other things that happen in a street fight. This met his need for variety at a 10.
And think about the surge of significance that would rise when you see a guy who thought he was tough, crumple like an aluminum can after you hit him with the perfect right hook while his girlfriend and her friends and your girlfriend, her friends, all of your friends as well as strangers watch this unfold. This gives you the status of being THE MAN in that situation. This met his need for significance at a 10.
Think about this in the context of being a member of a gang.
You become a crip or a blood and you wear your colors and you are instantly significant. On top of this, you’ve now increased the level of certainty you have in your life because you now have a group of people who have your back. You’ve also now jacked up the variety to level 11 because you never know when you’re going to see your enemy and you never know that when you see them if they’re going to have guns, knives, or want to fight you with their fists . . . you experiment with drugs and drinking . . . you’ve got access to different women now. This invites a rush of adrenaline into your life. On top of all of this, your need for love/connection gets met at a level 11 because these friends not only say they love you but demonstrate it by shooting people to protect you, giving you money, giving you respect, while the people who were supposed to do this, your parents, might have put you in the dumpster when you were a baby, or worse . . . they kept you in dungeon like environment where physical and mental abuse were what were served up for breakfast, lunch and dinner.
And people wonder why being in a gang is so appealing.
It’s all of a sudden easy to see why when all three of these needs are met at such a high level why a kid who gets none of these needs met at home would be addicted to this lifestyle.
What’s a Neutral Way To Meet The Need For Significance?
Your sense of style relative to clothing can be one way.
Disorders (eating, manic depressant, ADD/HD, alcoholic/addict, etc.) can be another way because now you’ve got a significant problem that puts you in a category.
These labels allow you to feel certain that it’s not your fault you don’t behave normally, you get to feel variety because who knows how this disorder is going to manifest today, and you get to feel significant because you’re in a “disorder” gang.
People meet needs at level 3-5 when they have a problem that some authority has put a label on.
Another way people do this is by becoming a fan boy/groupie to someone/something.
Most people do this with Apple products. They know nothing about technology, have zero respect or insight behind the care and love put into the design of the products.
They buy for one reason: They think that by attaching themselves to this brand and strutting around with their iPhone/iPod/iPad that they’re now automatically a significant somebody.
Money is another vehicle people use to get their need for significance met – if I live in this part of town I’m significant, if I drive this car I’ll be significant, if I shop at Whole Foods I’ll be significant.
People use degrees as a vehicle to meet their need for significance.
I believe the 80/20 rule applies here: 20% of people use this in a positive manner and they try hard in school to grow, master a profession so that they can bring value to the world by getting skills they actually use to help people with – which actually makes this a Class 1 or Class 2 experience for them.
The other 80% are at school because it’s better than working a job, it’s freedom from their parents, it’s a chance to hang out with their friends with no curfew, and they do just barely enough to get the degrees so they can hang them on the wall that prove they were initiated into the gang called Harvard and show off their colors to other people.
In my eyes, hardly anyone is in college purely for the passion of learning and becoming more.
The same could be said for people that open a business.
80+% of people aren’t doing it because they’re inspired to make the world a better place.
Most people venture into business for themselves thinking that if they do it they’ll have significance because it’s supposed to be cool to say you own a business.
They think they’ll have certainty because they do some bullshit estimation in their head and say, “If Subway is raking in $500 million bucks a year, I’m sure I can open a sandwich shop that’s better and even if I only make $50 thousand dollars a year I’ll be sitting pretty.”
And then they think, “Man, if I’m the boss, I’ll be able to have all kinds of variety because I’ll be able to decide when I want to work and when I don’t.”
And this is just a small sample of the foundational flawed thinking that causes the majority of businesses started to never even see their fifth birthday.
Mother Teresa got her need for significance met by being extremely compassionate.
Steve Wozniak of Apple fame got his need for significance with his skill set and engineering genius.
Why Would Someone Indulge In Violent Behavior?
Violence makes you instantly significant in the eyes of others. You put a gun in someone’s face and immediately, you’re the man. This Class 3 experience requires no intelligence, no skill, no discipline. It’s a terrible vehicle but it’s so easy to indulge in which is why a great deal of people indulge in it.
Remember, everything that people do, they do to meet their needs. Once you know this, you can help them meet their needs in a better way. And when people find a better way that’s more fulfilling, they can drop their old vehicles.
YOU CAN’T GET SOMEONE TO STOP DOING SOMETHING THAT MEETS THEIR NEEDS.
You must get them to do something else that meets their needs on a higher level.
What’s Love Got To Do With It?
Now if you’re going to be significant, you have to be unique, to be unique you have to be different and this creates a paradox because to be different, you have to be separate and being separate violates our need for a feeling of being loved and connected.
We ALL need, not just want, we ALL need to have a feeling of being loved and connected. And of course there are low and high levels to meet this need.
Getting sick habitually because you’ve linked up in your mind that people express love to you when you’re not feeling good/helpless is a Class 4 way of meeting this need.
Now here’s an intriguing story Tony tells about a mega famous business man ABSOLUTELY STUNNED him at what he chose to neglect in order to meet these needs . . .
There is still more to unpack on this topic and in the interest of not making this post longer than it already is I’m giving you a break. There’s a ton to absorb here. Come back for Part 2 of this post and you’ll see this story and what the precise steps to reach the holy grail of what will give you a sense of meaning, certainty, variety, excitement, passion and all the other awesome feelings you want to experience more of.
Lewis LaLanne a.k.a. Note Taking Nerd #2 a.k.a. L.L. Cool Nerd